The Good Shepherd

I have had many jobs in my life, but I’ve never encounter a toughest one than being a parent.  I had no clue what I was getting into when the Good Lord blessed me with two sons.  Nothing has made me happier, more fulfilled, more worried, more terrified or anxious in my whole life.  Nothing makes me more joyful than the laughter of my boys.  Nothing troubles me more than their struggles and their tears.

The worst part is that many times, there is nothing I can do to make my children feel better.  I can’t make the hurt go away, and that really pierces my heart.

Tonight I wanted to take Grant’s worries in my hands and throw them away; but I didn’t know how.  I saw my young boy wrestle with fears and I feel helpless.  I tried to comfort him as best as I could.  I reminded him that he is immensely loved and that not just by his parents, but mainly and mostly by God Himself, who fearfully and wonderfully made him, but he could not relax.  After I tucked him in bed, he still was not at ease, but I gave him some space.  I sat down outside his room to watch some TV and I could hear him tossing and turning.  It was getting late and he was still awake. 

Later, I returned to his room and asked him if he wanted me to make him some company.  He quietly nodded, and I climbed in bed next to him.  I had quickly asked the Holy Spirit to lead me on what to say/do to help him feel a bit better.  So I began my “talk.”  (It’s funny how earlier I had told him, half jokingly that I felt sorry for him because he’s got two parents who loved the sound of their own voices : )

I told him that sometimes God puts us in difficult situations so we learn to trust Him.  I told him that through these difficult things He wants us to realize that He is in charge, that He has a plan and that His plan is perfect.  I told him how we memorize Scripture so His Word can come back to us when we need it.  I told him about one of my favorite verses, “Be still and know that I am God.”  (Psalm 46: 10)  I talked to him about how I repeat that verse in my head every time I feel worried about anything, and how God is telling us to just calm down and trust Him.

At that moment, the words of Psalm 23 came to me. I recited verse 4, my favorite, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:… and before I could finish it, Grant finished it for me, “for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” He was excited to tell me that he knew that psalm. He had learned it in Sunday School with Bobbi. That’s when I told him, “you know? In this psalm, the sheep are talking.” That caught his attention immediately. “What?” He said. “Yes, you know, King David wrote it and he was a shepherd. He knew what sheep were like, and he figured that the children of God are just like sheep, who need a Good Shepherd, and that Shepherd is God Himself…” I continued talking about Psalm 23 and the wonders of its wisdom. I told him about sheep and how helpless and defenseless they are. I told him about the sheep’s total dependence on the shepherd and how important it was to have a good shepherd.

As I talked, I sensed Grant slowly beginning to relax. I continued. Later I heard a faint yawn. Soon, between my words about the needs of the sheep and the loving and caring actions of the hand of the Good Shepherd, I heard Grant’s relaxed breathing indicating he had finally fallen asleep. I took one look at that face I love so much and my heart ached. My little boy is in the hands of the Good Shepherd. Only He knows where the green pastures and the still waters reside. Only He knows how to lead him there. He is the only one who can restore my boy’s soul and give him rest and make his “cup overflow.”

I left his room thinking I had spoken not only for Grant’s sake, but for my own. I needed the reassurance of the Word to remember that “The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall not want.” He is with me as well as He is with Grant, and I need as much affirmation of that truth as my 9-year old does. I need to renew my trust in Him. I surrender my life and the life of my loved ones to the Good Shepherd for I know He loves us, as He loves all of His children.

I rest on His promise that,

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

"Mama, how come you know everything?"

He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. Acts 1: 7

“Mama, how come you know everything?”  my 6-years old son Dylan asked me a few weeks ago as we were driving down a country road near home.  After a good laugh, I told him that I sure didn’t know everything…”I’m not even close to knowing much at all,” I said, only to have him reply,   “but you know a lot!” 

I insisted that I really don’t know many things; and as I talked to my little boy, I remembered the way I used to feel about my own Father.  When I was six years old, I sure thought he knew it all too.  I remember coming back from school to see him walking down the driveway to meet me.  I would throw my arms around his waist and hang on to him by his leather belt.  I felt safe with him, and I thought for sure he knew everything. 

His presence alone irradiated knowledge and wisdom.  My Father always excelled at everything he did.  Everyone respected him.  I grew up surrounded by the mystic of being the daughter of the most distinguished “Professor Chalo.”  There is an entire wall full of awards, medals and honorary certificates that he accumulated throughout his life.  People have always respected his opinion, and often came to seek his advice on anything from how to install a water tank in your house to how to maintain a happy marriage.  There is even a book written about him.  That was the man I call my Dad.  He sure knew everything.

Today, however, he lays prostrated in his bed, unable to move, and worst of all, unable to use his brilliant mind.  His most priced possession is no longer his to use effectively.  Incoherence attacks his stroke battered brain, often pushing him into the barren land of void thoughts.  Our traditional Sunday evening chats have become painful 2 minute reminders of how there isn’t much left of the man he used to be.  However, I do know that one thing still remains true. I know for sure that my Dad loves me as much today as he did back when I was just a little girl hanging on to his waist by his belt. 

Each season of life brings its own challenges.  Seeing one’s own parents age and fade away represents a season of great pain, melancholy, fear and perhaps, even regret.  It is a season when forgiveness must bloom so we leave old hurts behind and prepare our souls for a new reality without those whose hands we held on to as we grew up.  It is a season of surrendering our loved ones to the will of our Heavenly Father.  It is a season of accepting that no matter how much we do know; we never know it all or even enough to understand the many reasons why things most happen the way they do.  It is a season of trusting the Lord.  Only Our Father in Heaven is omniscient and omnipotent.  It is not for us to know everything.  It is for Him to reveal it as He pleases, for His glory and honor, and for us to give Him praises.

By the Hand of the Almighty, my dear Dylan will one day also look back and remember the times when he thought his old Mama knew it all.  Maybe he’ll have a good laugh realizing how little she actually knew.  Perhaps he’ll too feel the melancholic tinge of the years gone by in his heart, as he remembers the conversations we held on our long drives.  Whatever it is, I pray Dylan knows that one thing is for sure.  I hope he knows of the great love of His Father in Heaven as well as the great love of his mama on earth, even on those days when I won’t be able to express it with words anymore.

...With Glasses...

Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? Mark 8: 18

A few days ago I took Dylan to the eye doctor for the first time ever.  He looked so big and matured sitting in that leather chair.  I was so proud.  He obeyed the instructions so well that the ophthalmologist was impressed.  “I can’t keep up with you, buddy!”  She said as Dylan was quickly responding to her promptings.  The difference was amazing.  At the beginning of the eye exam, while the Doctor was asking him to read the letters with the naked eye, Dylan struggled through every one of them.  He hesitated and missed many of them to the point that I began to think he’s forgotten his alphabet. 

After the Doctor put on the “funny glasses,” the change started to become evident.  With each lens she added, Dylan began to recognize the letters and symbols on the wall more easily.  At the end of the exam, the Doctor asked him to take off the “glasses” and try to see the letters.  Then she instructed him to put the “glasses” back on after which she asked him, “is it better with or without glasses?”  Dylan quickly replied, “With glasses.”  The exam was up and it was confirmed, Dylan needed glasses for he has a significant amount of astigmatism. 

When I was alone in the room with Dylan I asked him why he hadn’t ever mentioned that he couldn’t see well.  He said that he didn’t know.  That made me think, He didn’t know he couldn’t see well because that’s all he ever knew.  He didn’t know that there was a whole world of clear vision out there.  He didn’t know what he was missing.

That’s pretty much what life is like for those who don’t know Christ.  The eyes are there, but the vision is blurred.  We need the corrective glasses of the Holy Spirit in order to be able to really see.

“Mama, now we all have glasses in our family!”  Dylan said proudly.  I looked at him and smiled, thinking that the same way, Our Father in Heaven gives each of his adopted children the Holy Spirit to clear up the vision of our awareness and discernment. 

“Are we getting them now?”  Dylan asked with excitement.  I had a hard time explaining to him that he wasn’t getting them just yet.  He felt crushed, for once we’ve experience clear vision, we don’t want to go back to fuzzy.

“Dylan, now you have to remember that when you get them, you are going to have to be very careful with those glasses, OK?”  I said to him, thinking of my own carelessness.  I know, however, that now that he’s realized what true clarity really means, though he might occasionally misplace them, he won’t really lose his glasses.  The irresistible grace of seeing will always bring him back until he is found and he can once again see. 

May the Lord help us remember to put on our Holy Spirit glasses every time we need to discern the truth.

He Holds Our Hands Even Down the Water Slide

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

We recently spent 3 wonderful days at an in-door-water-park.  The first few hours of the first day, however, were a bit challenging.  My little 6-year-old, Dylan, was very reluctant to get in the water.  “Mama, I don’t want to go in because it’s going to sprinkle and make me wet…,” he’d say to my bewilderment.  “But, Dylan!”  I would reply impatiently, “this IS a water park…of course you are going to get wet!”  “C’mon, be reasonable!”  I thought to myself.  After we realized that Dylan wasn’t going to just cheerfully dive in, I shooed my husband and my 9-year-old away, so I could flex my persuading muscles alone.  “Where are Daddy and Grant going, Mama?” A very puzzled Dylan asked me when he saw them leave for the water.  To which question I kindly replied, “to jump in the water, where else???” 

Then, I took him for a walk around the park.  First, we went into the kiddy area.  There, I pointed out that little kids were, not only surviving the water attractions, but also having fun while at it!  The visit to kiddy land bore no fruit, so we moved on to another fun and shallow play area.  Within this site there where twin slides sitting side by side.  My plan was to persuade him to try them by telling him that he would go in the orange one and I would go in the blue one and we’d race to see who wins!  He is very competitive, so it was a great plan!  Of course, it failed.  It didn’t matter how I approached the challenge.  He wasn’t budging.  I used forceful commands, like:  “you are going down that slide, Dylan, and that is that!”  After all, I am the authority figure, and he is supposed to obey me, right?  WRONG!  I also used old-lame lines that parents around the world use when they want to entice their boys to do something they don’t want to do, like:  “look at that little girl, Dylan, she is smaller than you and she is not afraid of the slide!”  Like any parent at the brink of losing it, I also used threats:  “Dylan, if you don’t go down that slide, you are NOT going to have any chocolate milk for a week!”  All these to no avail, of course. 

Finally, surrounded by other parents who were happily going down the slides with their happy children, I sat down on the floor, looked him in the eye, and I said, “I know you are afraid.  It is OK to be afraid, but I’m telling you that there is nothing to be afraid of.  Nothing bad is going to happen to you.  Trust me!  I am right here with you.  I will be with you all the time.  I would never send you to do something that would hurt you.  I will be right there when you come down, waiting for you.  I will be seeing you all the way.  You don’t have to be afraid.”  “Besides,” I added, “remember, you’ve been here before and you loved it!  Don’t you remember?”

Later, as I thought about the incident at the water park, I was, once again, stroke by what the Holy Spirit whispered in my ears.  “Where have I heard those words before?”  Well, I’ve heard them from our Father’s Holy Word, of course.  He is our Father and we are His beloved children.  And, If we, “though [we] are evil, know how to give good gifts to [our] children, how much more will [our] Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”  He is our Father.  He is our Good Father, who is always with us, as we cry “Abba” in our hour of fear.  As our Father, He tells us “fear not” so many times throughout the Bible that we could possibly have a Scriptural reference about not being afraid, but fearing only God for each day of the year.  He is with us; and, unlike our earthly parents, He is perfect and He never let go of us.  He never leaves us,  “for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”  (Deut. 31:6b)  He doesn’t even become impatient with us for our lack of faith, for He is love and love is patient and love is kind.

The problem is that we are quick to forget how great our God is.  We have been “there” before, and He has, as usual, gone with us, but we forget.  We have faced fiery trials, gone into the lion’s den, challenged giants; and through it all, the Lord has delivered us.  He has surely done great things for us, and we do rejoice, for the moment; but then we go back to our routine, unchanged. To our Father’s bewilderment, we forget.  Then, inevitably, we face the hard times again, and we fear, again.  We forget that He has always led us through the desserts of our lives; and how He gives us exactly what we need when we need it.  We fear because we forget.

Let us change course right here, right now, and pray that the Holy Spirit will never let us forget.  Let’s pray that He will help us remember that He holds our hand always.  May we have a keen awareness that He will never leave us nor forsake us.  This truth we must remember in all situations and rejoice in Him who upholds us with His righteous right hand!  Praise be to Him who goes with us.  Praise be to Him who “has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline,” (2 Timothy 1:7)  In the scary hour, let us all proclaim at loud, for the enemy to clearly hear and retreat, that:  “The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid” (Psalm 27:1)

With teary eyes and a frown on his forehead, Dylan finally let me lead him toward the slide.  With hesitation and often looking back to make sure I was really “there” with him as I had assured him, he sat down at the top of the slide and down he went.  I followed down on the one right next to his and we met up at the bottom.  I got up and grabbed him tightly.  Quickly, I carried him out of there, since the lifeguard was already blowing his whistle prompting us to vacate the area for the next sliders to be able to come down.  “You did it!!” I said to him over and over again.  “I knew you could do it!”  “See, you are OK, and it was fun too, wasn’t it?”  As we high-fived, I saw his face torn between a frown and a smile, until he finally admitted that he had liked it indeed.  After that first “trial” slide, Dylan was able to enjoy our visit to the water park.  I was able to tell him later, as we wandered around the lazy river, to remember that Jesus is always with us and that every time we are scared, we can call on Him and He will hold our hand so we are not afraid.  I don’t know if he heard me, since by then, Dylan was totally immersed in the fantasy of a watery vacation; but as for me, I pray those words continue to echo in my mind forever.