Just Breathe

After another grueling afternoon spent with my younger son and “Tommy Triangle” and “Ricky Rectangle”, my husband walked in the door and asked his usual question of every evening, “did anybody get the mail?” (Why he doesn’t just get it as he pulls in the driveway still beats me, but I digress…) To which question I gave my standard reply, “no.”  However, this time, “something” moved me to also say, “but I’ll get it!” 

Kicking around shoes and toys left laying everywhere on the floor, I made my way to the front door.  Before I swung it open, I put on my older son’s favorite flip flops as an afterthought.  Finally, I stepped out the door.  The gentle breeze of that late summer afternoon caressed my face so tenderly that it made me stop on the front step to take in a deep and refreshing breath.  I lifted up my head and looked around inhaling as much as I could of that fragrant summer air.   It was a gorgeous afternoon indeed.  I felt as if I had just broken out of a box in which I’d been trapped for a mighty long time.  It was as if the breath of God was breathing down on me.    

I started to walk down the driveway and soon I thought to myself, “boy, these dumb flip flops are very comfortable! No wonder Grant wants to wear them all the time.”  It was as if the darn things were massaging my sore feet with every step I took.  I checked my feet again to see how well those bright blue flip flops fit me.  Surprisingly, they fit me perfectly.  “How has that boy grown…,” I thought with a sigh.  I kept on walking toward the rusty old mailbox and my spirits continued to be lifted up with every step.  I looked up and around and breathed in the beauty of the early evening.  I do love summer.  The soothing breeze touched my face again and made me smile.  Summer fits me like a pair of old comfortable shoes…

In my mind the lyrics and tunes of an old Hymn mixed in with a contemporary Praise and Worship song.  “Breathe on my breath of God, fill me with life anew…this is the air I breathe…Your holy presence living in me…I’m lost without you…”    He is the breath we breathe.  His Holy presence living in me is the Holy Spirit who dwells inside every Christian.  This is the air we breathe, His peace.  This is the air we breathe, His strength.  This is the air we breathe, His Holy Spirit, like He told the Apostles in John 20:21-22 when He said,  ^{21 “…}Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” ²² And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.”  He is the air we breathe.  His breath comes with the four winds, like He told Ezekiel when He was about to breathe life onto the dry bones. (Ezekiel 37:9)  And we are like those dry bones, which He renews with His Holy Breath. 

On my way back to the house I was joined by my little Dylan.  I handed him an envelope, and tried one more/last time, “what shape is it?”  As if by magic and to my great delight he replied with a big bright smile on his face, “a rectangle!”  YES!!!  I said aloud and gave him a high five. 

The Lord provided me with exactly what I needed at that moment.  He gave me what He knew would cheer my heart.  He gave me a beautiful summer afternoon.  He not only gave me the glorious afternoon, but He made sure I didn’t miss it!  He touched my shoulder and moved me to exercise a mundane activity which I never do, and with that, He ministered to my soul.  He even gave me the blessing of comfy shoes for my tired and hurting feet.  He turned the irritating “shoes on the way” into a blessing I’ll never forget.

“You are my portion, O Lord.” (Psalm 119: 57)  Thank you for being a loving and caring Father.  You are the God of the details.  You know your children so well that you know perfectly what would fill their hearts with joy at the right moment.  You are the breath I breathe…I am lost without you.  Breathe on me Breath of God, fill me with life anew.

Super Moon

Last Saturday, May 5^th was my son Grant’s birthday.  He turned 10, which in itself is amazing to me.  I just cannot believe that it has been 10 years since I received him into my arms as a - 22 inches, 8.14 oz -miracle.  But life has a way to slip away very fast.  The only thing left for us to do is to make sure we make good memories and imprint them into our hearts and minds in a way that they stay there forever.  This is exactly what I had intended on Saturday night.

One of the presents we gave Grant and his brother too, was a full-size trampoline.  They had been begging for one ever since their cousins Luke and Sarah got one last year.  Dan finally gave in and he went and got it a few days before Grant’s big day.  It was a great joy to see the look of surprise in the boys faces once they figured out what was inside the huge box their Dad was showing them. 

Right away we go to work on it and by that afternoon, it was up. 

I had heard on the radio that there was going to be a super moon shinning brighter than usual that weekend, so as we were trying out the trampoline, I told the kids about it.  I highly doubt they heard a word I said, but when we came back from dinner that night, I reminded them of the super moon.  Nobody seemed excited still.  As soon as it got dark enough, I wrapped myself in a SpongeBob blanket and announced that I was going outside to see the moon and walked out the door.  It happened that the moon was still behind some trees, so I climbed on the trampoline and instantly got a much better view.  The kids followed and finally, in the light of the super moon, I saw the look of awe in their little faces. 

We jumped for a while, giving the moon time to climb higher in the night sky.  Only a few minutes later, and there it was, the most superb moon I’ve ever seen.  The light brightened up our backyard and the light bounced off the dark trampoline matt like a spotlight.  I said a few things about how we are to be like the moon and reflect the light, the Divine Light we have in us.  I reminded them how Jesus is the Light of the World and since He lives in us, we are His light and we need to let it shine.  I said many things, which I’m sure they half-heard, until I finally decided to lay down on the trampoline to contemplate the super moon in silence.  Dylan laid down next to me and later Grant did the same.  We laid down in silence for a long while, basking in that glorious and miraculous gift from God. 

I don’t know about my boys, but I sure accomplished what I wanted that evening.  I made a memory that would last me a lifetime.  I don’t think I could ever forget the day my older son turned 10 years old.  I don’t think I could ever forget how we are called to be the light of the world.

 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Matthew 5: 14-16

Homecoming Day!

September 15 has become a day of great joy in our household since on that day we celebrate the homecoming of our son Dylan Carlos.  My husband Dan, my older son Grant and I traveled to Guatemala years ago to receive Dylan as our beloved child.  After a few hectic/crazy days in Guatemala City, we returned to our quiet, country home in Western PA on that day.  We remember such important event every year with presents, yummy treats and thoughtful consideration of the miracle of adoption. 

During the first few years, though Dylan enjoyed the presents and the festivities, he did not really have a clue of what the whole thing was all about.  It was not until he was around six years old that he began to notice that homecoming day has special significance because of the way he came to be our son.  I’m not sure he truly understands the nature of adoption yet; but I know he is starting to realize that it is a very special and blessed relationship.

We try to emphasize the importance of adoption in God’s heart, and how He has blessed the bonds formed through adoption so much that when He became flesh in the person of Jesus Christ and was born to an earthly Mother, The God Incarnate chose to come as the adoptive son of a carpenter.  Thus Jesus became a righteous “shoot of Jesse” through the process of adoption.  Of course, rather than explaining the mystery of the Holy Trinity and the Genealogy of Jesus, we simply tell Dylan that Jesus was adopted too!

We also tell him how adoption is very near and dear to the heart of God for it is adoption what describes our relationship to Him.  We are all adopted by our Heavenly Father which makes Christianity the largest adoptive family of all!  “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.”  (Ephesians 1:4-5 NIV)

So, as we watch Dylan open his Homecoming Day presents and enjoy his favorite treats, on September 15^th our family celebrates the gift of adoption that our God has given to all of us.  Homecoming Day, therefore, has little by little become not only about Dylan’s entry into our family, but about our homecoming into the family of God, and the rejoicing that goes on in Heaven every time a lost soul is found.  (Luke 15:7 NIV)     On that special day we all “see what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”  (1 John 3:1)

School Bus Time

Isaiah 40:31
“But those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.” (NIV)

Every afternoon I have the privilege to see my boys get off the school bus and welcome them home.  Everyday I rejoice watching how Dylan starts running toward the house as soon as his little feet touch the driveway.  He runs with a big smile on his face.  Sometimes I step outside and wait for them at the top of the driveway.  On those days, Dylan runs with open arms, almost ready to take off the ground, to land in a tight embrace into mine.  It sure is delightful to hug my little one and lift him up after a long day at school. 

The scene reminds me of how I imagine the day I will finally come home and get to see Jesus for the first time.  I picture Him at the end of the heavenly driveway with His arms extended toward me, motioning me to come near.  Like the song says, “I can only imagine,” the joy I would feel on that moment.  After a long “day” that lasted a lifetime, filled with hardship, disappointment, discouragement, and failures, the reward will await me with open arms.  I imagine my strength being renewed and not feeling faint anymore.  I imagine me running and more than that, soaring as if with wings like eagles to land in his arms at last.  O glorious day!

The thought of that moment refuels my empty soul and sparks the energy that jumpstarts my engine again.  This engine designed by My Maker, which keeps me functioning while still on this side of heaven despite the occasional stalling on cold days.  The thoughts of the eternal keep me wanting to press on for I am not done yet.  Like Paul tells us in Philippians 3: 13-14, “…one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

I’ll keep on pressing on as I wait to be home.  Today, however, as the first signs of spring pop up all around, I think I will venture outside to wait for Dylan at the top of the driveway.  Hopefully I will see him running happily into my arms, pretending to fly.  I will receive him with joy in my heart and lift him off the ground, while I still can : )

"Mama, Why Can't We See Good?"

After spending a gorgeous, but very hot summer afternoon at the park followed by a rushed grocery shopping trip at a desperately crowded store, my two sons and I climbed in my hopelessly messy economy-beat-up car.  I still had to go fill up with over-priced gas to then go home and fix dinner.  Needless to say, I was running a bit low on more than gas.  As I was taking a turn to get out of the store’s parking lot, I hear my 5 ½ year old ask me, “Mama, why can’t we see God?”  Of course, like any normal, flustered Mother would do, I kindly replied, “WHAT?”  hoping that I had not heard him right, only to hear him repeat the same precious question in his delightfully childish voice, “why can’t we see God?  I knew I was in trouble then.

I managed to muster a very complicated answer trying to explain the mystery of the Trinity and how we will see God when Jesus returns since Jesus is the physical representation of God.  Then, my 9 year-old said, “yes, I think the only one who has ever seen God was Moses; but I think he didn’t really see Him, he just was in His presence or something.”  By then, my head was spinning and I was glad that I had finally pulled into the gas station.  The conversation, obviously, ended abruptly and we went home; but the thought remained.  My young son’s question lingered in my mind; but mostly, I felt a nagging feeling of inadequacy.  I did not provide my little boy with an appropriate answer and that really bothered me.  That should never happen.  We are commanded to “…revere Christ as Lord.”  And to  “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that [we] have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” (1 Peter 3:15)  I tell you, I revere Christ as Lord with all my heart; but I was not prepared to give any answer to my little inquisitive boy; and I felt ashamed.  I don’t want to be caught off guard again.  How do I get prepared?

After days meditating about this, the Holy Spirit was my only reply.  It is only the Holy Spirit who can provide the correct answers to the questions others may ask us.  And ask they will!  It is only by consciously and deliberately putting ourselves in the hands of the Holy Spirit and by asking Him to speak for us and use us to communicate His message to those inquiring souls, that we may have a chance at providing a coherent response.  We must never depend on our own knowledge or believe that we have the wisdom to respond on our won.  Only He can reveal Himself to those He chooses.  

Humility is the key in this respect.  That doesn’t mean, however, that we give up and say, “well, I got nothin’ to do here…God will give me the words when & where I need them.”  I don’t know about you, but God is not in the habit of speaking in an audible voice to me personally.  He does speak to me all the time, however!  He speaks to me through His Holy Word contained in the Bible.  I firmly believe that studying the Bible is the greatest tool we have at our disposal “for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” (2 Timothy 3:16)  Therefore, He will use His own Word to aide us in our conundrums.  That is not to say, however, that God cannot just whisper in our ears in His own voice anytime He thinks that is what we need.  But I believe that a very effective way to hear His voice in our time of need is by knowing His Word and memorizing as much of it as possible so, when we are on the spot, it can come back to rescue us. 

I also believe that constantly praying and asking God for wisdom and discernment is crucial.  “He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning.  He reveals deep and hidden things,” says Daniel in chapter 2: 21-22.  We might not consider ourselves very wise or discerning right now, but the moment we begin to ask for wisdom and discernment we become wiser right away.  Like King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived.  Why?  Because he asked for it!

Finally, I also believe that there will be many questions we won’t ever be able to answer no matter how much we study and pray.  Some of the mysteries of God are meant to remain mysterious for as long as we call this earth our home.  After all, like C.S. Lewis said in the Chronicles of Narnia:  “he is not a tame lion.”  What kind of a God He would be if we, mere created beings, could explain everything about Him who created us?  …Now, try to answer that!

I Need a Break

First day of school and I’m already getting notes from my Dylan’s teacher saying that he is not listening.  Well, of course he is not!  He is a boy!  A few days later, it’s back to work for me.  It’s Monday morning and I can’t find a parking spot near my office.  So I have to walk a significant distance with a bag full of books in one hand, and an oversized purse and my lunch bag in the other one while wearing uncomfortable shoes.  I finally make it to my first class, and the computer doesn’t work.  My next two classes are packed full of first level students who have no interest in learning Spanish other than, “it’s required,” which isn’t the greatest motivator. 

My stomach is unsettled and my brain is racing.  I need a break.  I go for an unhealthy drink at the vending machine to find out that the price has gone up!  I eat lunch on the go, finish up my last class and run to the distant parking spot where I left my car.  By the time I get there, I have ruptured blisters on both my feet.  A forty minute drive later I’m home to get my boys off the bus.  Then, I find out that my little one decided to forget what triangles and rectangles are.  I spent all afternoon working on shapes, and arguing with my too-smart-for-his-own-good older son about how for a number to be in the millions, it needs to have at least 7 digits! 

“Why didn’t you guys eat your lunches?”  “Well, I didn’t like that sandwich you packed,” says one, and the other one tells me, “I didn’t have time to finish.”  I need a break.  I send them both outside and then realize that it is almost six o’clock and I haven’t even started dinner.  My husband comes home and I send him outside too.  “Go practice shapes with Dylan!” I yell as he gladly goes out the door again.

It seems like dinner is going to happen after all; then I catch a glimpse of the pile of clean clothes downstairs already mixing in with its dirty counterpart.  At some point I also have to iron shirts and clean, at least the bathroom.  After dinner the kids have some time to play and relax while I start preparing my lessons for tomorrow.  Soon it’s time for baths.  Bedtime is here, at last!  “Be quiet while I read…do you not want me to read this book?”  “I can’t sleep.  It’s too hot.  Can you stay here a minute.”  I need a break, so I do stay.  I lay down on my older son’s bed and I snooze for a few minutes. 

After the boys are out, I get up and finish my lessons.   My hair is a mess.  I need a haircut really bad.  Where did I put that piece of paper?  “Mama, can I have some chocolate milk?”  “No!  All the cups are dirty.”  Whine, whine, and whine some more until there is silence, blessed silence.  Finally I get a few minutes to talk to my husband.  Bad idea, since a simple question ends up turning into a brain-twister of grave proportions.  My brain is fried.  I need a break.  I go to bed to wake up and do it all over again, tomorrow.

There are stages, seasons of life in which it becomes very hard to remember what the Word says about not letting stress take away our peace.  The season of parenting young children is one of them, but there are many others.  Every season brings with itself its own stress.  The season of worrying about aging parents and how to best care for them, for example, is another highly stressful and gut-wrenching one, as I’ve lately discovered.  There is also the season when we have to deal with our own aging and our own transitions.  There is the season of new beginnings, such as adjusting to married life, or to an empty house, or to a house full of teenagers or infants, or to a new job or to a lack of thereof. 

It’s all so very hard.  What are we to do?  Well, all I know to do is to dwell in His Word and cling to His promises for dear life.  One thing I am thinking about doing, but haven’t had time to do yet is to pull out several verses from Scripture that pertain to not being anxious, and keep them handy for when I forget.  One that will certainly top the list, once I get to it, is Philippians 4:6-7:  ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I want that peace that “transcends all understanding.”  What can I do to get it?  I can present my requests to God in prayer and petition with thanksgiving.  I praise Him, for He is worthy of all our praise and worship.  I ask Him in faith.  And I give Him thanks.  I recount His many blessings on me, and I thank Him for He has been faithful in my life; and He who has been faithful, will be faithful again, and again. 

Jesus Himself told us that He has given us His Word so we can have peace.  He said in John 16:33:  ³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  And as we have already realized, we will have trouble indeed; but the one thing we need to realize also is that our faith is in Him, and He is the One and Only who has overcome the world. 

May the words of Paul to the Colossians in chapter 3:15, ¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful, be our exhortation to strive for a life filled with the peace of our Lord and Savior.

Lessons from a Walkman

This past Saturday was the annual Bazaar at our church, and the boys and I headed out there around mid morning.  As soon as we got out of the car, Grant and Dylan went off on their own, and began their quest for “treasures.”  Grant inherited my love for rummaging through old things to uncover hidden jewels among the…how shall I put it?...refuse? 

A while later, as I was trying to decide if I should buy a really neat red-bottle-lamp, Grant came in the Christmas room excited and confused at the same time.  “Mom, come with me,” he said, pulling me away from the red lamp.  He took me into the “electronics” section of the “trash and treasures” room, and walked me to a table from where he got a small black thing.  “Look!  It’s a ‘walker’!”  As he said that, he placed the small gadget in my hands.  I looked at it, laughed and said to him, “Not a ‘walker,’ this is called a Walkman…” 

I continued to contemplate the thing as it took me back to my teenage years.  The feelings came back like a rushing flood.  Just like today, as a kid, I loved listening to music.  It was my escape from the trials of adolescence.  So ever since I was about 13 or 14 years old, my love affair with the Walkman began.  A Sony Walkman with a built in radio…sigh…that was my dream.  I prayed many times that God would let me have one, but I knew that there wasn’t even a slim chance of my parents ever buying me one.  So I began to save every penny I got.  I drooled every time I saw them in TV commercials or at the stores.  I saved and saved and eventually, years later, I was able to buy one that was on sale.  By the time I got it, however, there were “better” systems in the market which ended up forcing the Walkman to be discontinued.  I was cool for a very short time.  Now, a good 30 years later, my 9 year old son placed one in my hands.  I couldn’t help but smile. 

I said aloud how much I had wanted one when I was a kid, and my good friend Diana, who was the sales clerk at the “electronics department,” told me, “well, He knew He’d give you one.  He just didn’t say when He’d give it to you!”  I loved hearing that.  There was so much truth in that statement.  He is Faithful!  He answers all our prayers.  The thing is that sometimes the answers vary.  At times He responds with a good resounding “yes,” whereas some other times the answer is “no,” and other times yet, the answer is “wait.” 

O how hard it is to receive one of those, “not yet” kind of answers from God.  But, O how sweet it is the day He finally comes through.  O, how sweet the sight of the lost son/daughter/brother/sister/friend when he finally is found.  O, how sweet the revelation of His presence, and how refreshing the taste of His Living Water after coming out of a period of walking in the dessert.  O, how beautiful the sunlight breaking through the clouds after the storm.  O, how delightful the light when He pulls us out of the pit.   O, how sweet the sound of His voice calling out our name and telling us to come home.

“Sometimes He doesn’t remove the mountain because He wants us to climb it to meet Him at the top and see Him transfigured,” I read in a devotional some time ago.  The magnificence of His radiance that meets us at the top of that mountain is our reward for enduring and persevering.  The Lord is Faithful and all His promises are true.  His blessings are new everyday.  Even if sometimes He makes us wait, it is worth the wait.  It is in the wait where we develop Christian character and we grow as His beloved.  It is the wait what makes the encounter much sweeter, meaningful and unforgettable.

We paid a whole dollar for that mint-condition-old Walkman.  It works beautifully.  It has been a lot of fun teaching Grant about cassettes and the heart break of having your most precious tapes all tangled up in the player.  It has been fun reminiscing with my son about the longings of a teenage heart, and how sometimes we just have to wait a long time to get what we want.  Even Dylan is interested in it.  As a matter of fact, I just went in their room to check up on them, and I saw him asleep in his bed with the headphones on and the Walkman tucked in his hand just like my parents would see me every night, O so many years ago.  Does it get any sweeter than that?   The lessons from that old Walkman will probably continue for a while as I watch my sons fiddle with old tapes.  In the meantime, I will thank God for delayed answers to my prayers.  

Yard Sale Meditations

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’                Matthew 25:37-40

I can’t stand the clutter in my house, so I decided to have a yard sale. Since the purpose of the yard sale is to de-clutter my house, of course it made sense to have the yard sale at a different location.  One of my sisters in law graciously allowed me to invite myself to use her yard, and I spent two of the warmest July mornings of my entire life in the United States manning this yard sale.-A disclaimer here, we don’t have yard sales in Panama, where I come from, so I am still baffled and a bit awestruck by some of the nuisance of the whole yard-selling-enterprise.-  Regardless, I have to say that I enjoyed it quite a bit.  I got to spend time with my sisters in law, my Mother in Law and some of my nephews and nieces.  My boys loved it too because they were able to play to their hearts content with their cousins.  So it was a hot, yes, but at least it wasn’t snowing! 

As the hours went by, I watched “customers” come and go.  Some would browse lightly and leave with polite smiles that screamed:  “there’s nothing but junk in here!”  Others would spend time in careful consideration, examining exquisite pieces of fine mass-produced-trinkets, to then put it back on the table to move on to the next equally un-impressive item to finally come to the conclusion that they were not what they thought they were.  There would also be the “expert” looker who is always looking for the items we don’t have, like for instance the gentleman who wanted World War II memorabilia. 

Occasionally, I would see the sincere-hard-core-yard- selling enthusiast who seeks a weekly thrill as he or she peruses through unexpected treasures with a twinkle in the eye.  This, of course, is my favorite kind of “customer,” because I know this one will buy something.  He or she never went to a yard sale where he/she couldn’t find something to purchase.  Sure, he/she would bargain, offering less than what the colorfully marked price suggested, but to him/her I joyfully replied “yes, it’s yours!”  This fellow knows that there is good all around us.  There is always something that someone else can use.  He or she usually not only makes purchases for his or her own use.  These consummate yard-sale-shoppers always have others in mind too.  “This scooter would be perfect for little Johnny!”  “This chair is what my daughter needs in her patio.”  “My friend could use this TV in her camper.”  “This tree swing is great for my neighbor’s grandson.” 

It sure is a joy to appreciate the keen eye of those who love to uncover treasures in unexpected places, while having fun doing it.  Many expert yard-sellers approach the art as a way to fulfill their calling.  They were called to serve others by supplying their material needs.  And they do so by yard-selling.  I saw teachers shopping for supplies that would supplement their standard curriculum.    I saw church members shopping for items for their church’s VBS and other children’s programs.  I saw parents shopping for furniture for their children’s first apartment.  I saw neighbors buying household items to help out neighbors in need.  On, and on, many people stopped at our humble yard sale, hoping to find the things that will make someone else’s life a little brighter, more comfortable, easier, or a bit more bearable. 

In their own unique way, they are fulfilling the calling to love our neighbors with a cheerful heart.  Many of these shoppers are doing it for the “least” of their brothers in a very special way.  The command is not to do it in a grand, spectacular or extravagant way.  The command is to do it!  And it is “you” who has to do it.  It is “I” who has to do it.  It is not the government through its many good-intentioned-but-fully-flawed programs.  It is “you” and “me” who has to do it, whichever way we can.  The reward will be reaped in heaven, when we hear from the lips of the Father, “well done, good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:23a)

After we wrapped up the sale on Saturday afternoon, we were exhausted.  It was, however, worth the while, at least to me.  We laughed, we talked, we played, we complained, we shared time together as a family, a rare treat anymore, and we made enough money to buy lunch.  I think I’ll do it again next year.  

When We Are At A Loss For Words...

As I am sure, parents all around the world know, there comes a moment in the life of a child when he/she steps beyond the boundaries of the permissible into the realm of what is commonly known as “smart-mouth” territory.  Dylan is getting dangerously close to that boundary.  Therefore, Dan and I have begun to express our discontent with his behavior and have started to offer words of advice to him.  Such words are nothing profound or transcendental.  They include the usual, “watch your mouth,” “be careful with your words,” “think before you speak,” and the iconic, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” 

I think our words of wisdom may be having some kind of impact on restraining Dylan from stepping out of line on the matter of speaking his mind too…freely.  The reason I believe that is because during the last few days, I’ve been noticing that whenever faced with an uncertain situation that requires him to voice his thoughts, Dylan is becoming increasingly hesitant and careful regarding what to say and how to say it.  

More and more we are noticing that Dylan has found a phrase that is certain to provide him with a smooth sailing into a safe harbor.  No matter, really, what the situation is, my young son, when pressed for a comment on an uncertain topic, is becoming very fond of replying, “I love my Mama,” to then quickly maneuver out of the subject into safety.

Dylan’s little getaway utterance has made me think about how sometimes, while we are also maneuvering or attempting to, out of the storms of life, we find ourselves at a loss for words.  Often I have heard myself saying, “I don’t know what to or how to pray, Lord…”  Paul reminds me, however, how I am not alone in this predicament.  In Romans 8:26-27, the Apostle tells us how, “in the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”

The Spirit comes to our aide always, particularly at those times, when our weakness of the mind, body and soul leave us wondering what to say.  At those times, the Spirit –inspired groans serve as our act of worship for He, the LORD, our King and Father, understands the unintelligible and deciphers the utterances of our hurting hearts.  Dylan’s little safe phrase, however, also makes me think that we too have a similar phrase which will take us to the safety of our Savior’s arms all the time.  

In those moments of total despair, confusion, fear, disillusion, sadness, trial, and worry, we can always steer clear into His safe harbor with a simple and heart-felt “I love you Jesus.”  There is power in His name.  There is power in our love for Him. Combine the two and we got victory over our circumstances and over the plotting of the enemy.

Just like hearing Dylan saying, “I love my Mama” puts a smile in my face and a song in my heart, I can only hope and dream that the sound of my voice speaking from the depth of my desolation may have a similar effect in my Savior’s heart.

I love my Jesus…I love my Lord.

 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

   and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

   in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,

   to the glory of God the Father… (Philippians 2:9-11 NIV)

The Hand That Is Always Reaching Out

It was going to be a beautiful early June weekend, so in a spur-of-the-moment decision, I took 3 boys and one Grandma to an amusement/water park on Saturday.  It was perfect!  They boys were very excited and of course, it being 80 degrees and all, their favorite part was the water park.  Once we hit the Soak Zone, the boys headed straight for the “Wave Pool.”  This pool has a restriction for kids who are 48 inches tall and under.  They have to wear a life vest and be accompanied by an adult the entire time they are in there.  The adult must be at arm’s length of the child at all times. 

Dylan is just 46 inches tall, so we got the vest and in we went.  As you may know, the way “Wave Pools” work is that there are periods of total calm followed by a period of powerful, man-made waves.  When Dylan and I walked into the pool, it was calmed.  We played and enjoyed some much needed coolness.  We sat in the shallow end and let the refreshing caress of the water relax our tense muscles.  Then, as soon as the whistled blew announcing the beginning of the waves, I realized the reason for the strict enforcement of the rule regarding young kids at the entrance. 

Dylan got tossed and turned and jerked around like the laundry in the spin cycle!  The mighty waves were too strong for my little one, whom I had to keep rescuing by grabbing him with both hands to lift him out of the powerful waters.  We moved to the side where it seemed tamer, but still, he could not stand without been tossed about.  He got braver and his legs steadier as he journeyed through the waves several rounds and as he realized that I was there with him all the time. 

He became more confident because he knew my hand was permanently reached out to him.  Every time he needed to pull himself out of the water and couldn’t do it by himself, he sought my hand which he found faithfully every time.  He also realized that even when he couldn’t or didn’t have the strength to reach out to grab my hand, that I would not wait and with precise timing, both my hands would hold him by his side and pull him out into safety so he could breathe again. 

Hmm…yes, that’s exactly right.  Though dim, this was a pretty good reflection of our lives with the Lord our God.  As we toss and turn in the middle of violent waves that threaten to tear us apart limb by limb, the Almighty God we serve stands right next to us, unmovable, unshakable, and unchangeable. 

Dylan’s experience at the “Wave Pool” resembles our walk with the Lord.  Periods of calm, when we playfully wade in the water or just sit and enjoy the peace, followed by seasons when we can barely seem to be able to catch our breath.  Periods when we have time to relax and soak in the wonders of our Great God, followed by moments of confusion when the only thing that saves us is reaching out our hand to His which is always extended to us.  Periods of evident joy when everything seems just right, followed by times when we are too weak, too lost, too beat up to even raise our hand to grab the hand that is reaching out to save us.

As I drove a car full of exhausted little boys (and one Grandma), I took time to praise Him for who He is.  I am so glad that our God is mighty to save and loving enough to do it all the time.  I praise Him for “He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us.  On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us,” as we know He will.  (2 Corinthians 1: 10)  After all, we know that He is “my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?  The LORD is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1)

2 Corinthians 1:10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us,

Psalm 27:1 Of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?

The Good Shepherd

I have had many jobs in my life, but I’ve never encounter a toughest one than being a parent.  I had no clue what I was getting into when the Good Lord blessed me with two sons.  Nothing has made me happier, more fulfilled, more worried, more terrified or anxious in my whole life.  Nothing makes me more joyful than the laughter of my boys.  Nothing troubles me more than their struggles and their tears.

The worst part is that many times, there is nothing I can do to make my children feel better.  I can’t make the hurt go away, and that really pierces my heart.

Tonight I wanted to take Grant’s worries in my hands and throw them away; but I didn’t know how.  I saw my young boy wrestle with fears and I feel helpless.  I tried to comfort him as best as I could.  I reminded him that he is immensely loved and that not just by his parents, but mainly and mostly by God Himself, who fearfully and wonderfully made him, but he could not relax.  After I tucked him in bed, he still was not at ease, but I gave him some space.  I sat down outside his room to watch some TV and I could hear him tossing and turning.  It was getting late and he was still awake. 

Later, I returned to his room and asked him if he wanted me to make him some company.  He quietly nodded, and I climbed in bed next to him.  I had quickly asked the Holy Spirit to lead me on what to say/do to help him feel a bit better.  So I began my “talk.”  (It’s funny how earlier I had told him, half jokingly that I felt sorry for him because he’s got two parents who loved the sound of their own voices : )

I told him that sometimes God puts us in difficult situations so we learn to trust Him.  I told him that through these difficult things He wants us to realize that He is in charge, that He has a plan and that His plan is perfect.  I told him how we memorize Scripture so His Word can come back to us when we need it.  I told him about one of my favorite verses, “Be still and know that I am God.”  (Psalm 46: 10)  I talked to him about how I repeat that verse in my head every time I feel worried about anything, and how God is telling us to just calm down and trust Him.

At that moment, the words of Psalm 23 came to me. I recited verse 4, my favorite, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:… and before I could finish it, Grant finished it for me, “for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” He was excited to tell me that he knew that psalm. He had learned it in Sunday School with Bobbi. That’s when I told him, “you know? In this psalm, the sheep are talking.” That caught his attention immediately. “What?” He said. “Yes, you know, King David wrote it and he was a shepherd. He knew what sheep were like, and he figured that the children of God are just like sheep, who need a Good Shepherd, and that Shepherd is God Himself…” I continued talking about Psalm 23 and the wonders of its wisdom. I told him about sheep and how helpless and defenseless they are. I told him about the sheep’s total dependence on the shepherd and how important it was to have a good shepherd.

As I talked, I sensed Grant slowly beginning to relax. I continued. Later I heard a faint yawn. Soon, between my words about the needs of the sheep and the loving and caring actions of the hand of the Good Shepherd, I heard Grant’s relaxed breathing indicating he had finally fallen asleep. I took one look at that face I love so much and my heart ached. My little boy is in the hands of the Good Shepherd. Only He knows where the green pastures and the still waters reside. Only He knows how to lead him there. He is the only one who can restore my boy’s soul and give him rest and make his “cup overflow.”

I left his room thinking I had spoken not only for Grant’s sake, but for my own. I needed the reassurance of the Word to remember that “The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall not want.” He is with me as well as He is with Grant, and I need as much affirmation of that truth as my 9-year old does. I need to renew my trust in Him. I surrender my life and the life of my loved ones to the Good Shepherd for I know He loves us, as He loves all of His children.

I rest on His promise that,

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

"Mama, how come you know everything?"

He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. Acts 1: 7

“Mama, how come you know everything?”  my 6-years old son Dylan asked me a few weeks ago as we were driving down a country road near home.  After a good laugh, I told him that I sure didn’t know everything…”I’m not even close to knowing much at all,” I said, only to have him reply,   “but you know a lot!” 

I insisted that I really don’t know many things; and as I talked to my little boy, I remembered the way I used to feel about my own Father.  When I was six years old, I sure thought he knew it all too.  I remember coming back from school to see him walking down the driveway to meet me.  I would throw my arms around his waist and hang on to him by his leather belt.  I felt safe with him, and I thought for sure he knew everything. 

His presence alone irradiated knowledge and wisdom.  My Father always excelled at everything he did.  Everyone respected him.  I grew up surrounded by the mystic of being the daughter of the most distinguished “Professor Chalo.”  There is an entire wall full of awards, medals and honorary certificates that he accumulated throughout his life.  People have always respected his opinion, and often came to seek his advice on anything from how to install a water tank in your house to how to maintain a happy marriage.  There is even a book written about him.  That was the man I call my Dad.  He sure knew everything.

Today, however, he lays prostrated in his bed, unable to move, and worst of all, unable to use his brilliant mind.  His most priced possession is no longer his to use effectively.  Incoherence attacks his stroke battered brain, often pushing him into the barren land of void thoughts.  Our traditional Sunday evening chats have become painful 2 minute reminders of how there isn’t much left of the man he used to be.  However, I do know that one thing still remains true. I know for sure that my Dad loves me as much today as he did back when I was just a little girl hanging on to his waist by his belt. 

Each season of life brings its own challenges.  Seeing one’s own parents age and fade away represents a season of great pain, melancholy, fear and perhaps, even regret.  It is a season when forgiveness must bloom so we leave old hurts behind and prepare our souls for a new reality without those whose hands we held on to as we grew up.  It is a season of surrendering our loved ones to the will of our Heavenly Father.  It is a season of accepting that no matter how much we do know; we never know it all or even enough to understand the many reasons why things most happen the way they do.  It is a season of trusting the Lord.  Only Our Father in Heaven is omniscient and omnipotent.  It is not for us to know everything.  It is for Him to reveal it as He pleases, for His glory and honor, and for us to give Him praises.

By the Hand of the Almighty, my dear Dylan will one day also look back and remember the times when he thought his old Mama knew it all.  Maybe he’ll have a good laugh realizing how little she actually knew.  Perhaps he’ll too feel the melancholic tinge of the years gone by in his heart, as he remembers the conversations we held on our long drives.  Whatever it is, I pray Dylan knows that one thing is for sure.  I hope he knows of the great love of His Father in Heaven as well as the great love of his mama on earth, even on those days when I won’t be able to express it with words anymore.

...With Glasses...

Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? Mark 8: 18

A few days ago I took Dylan to the eye doctor for the first time ever.  He looked so big and matured sitting in that leather chair.  I was so proud.  He obeyed the instructions so well that the ophthalmologist was impressed.  “I can’t keep up with you, buddy!”  She said as Dylan was quickly responding to her promptings.  The difference was amazing.  At the beginning of the eye exam, while the Doctor was asking him to read the letters with the naked eye, Dylan struggled through every one of them.  He hesitated and missed many of them to the point that I began to think he’s forgotten his alphabet. 

After the Doctor put on the “funny glasses,” the change started to become evident.  With each lens she added, Dylan began to recognize the letters and symbols on the wall more easily.  At the end of the exam, the Doctor asked him to take off the “glasses” and try to see the letters.  Then she instructed him to put the “glasses” back on after which she asked him, “is it better with or without glasses?”  Dylan quickly replied, “With glasses.”  The exam was up and it was confirmed, Dylan needed glasses for he has a significant amount of astigmatism. 

When I was alone in the room with Dylan I asked him why he hadn’t ever mentioned that he couldn’t see well.  He said that he didn’t know.  That made me think, He didn’t know he couldn’t see well because that’s all he ever knew.  He didn’t know that there was a whole world of clear vision out there.  He didn’t know what he was missing.

That’s pretty much what life is like for those who don’t know Christ.  The eyes are there, but the vision is blurred.  We need the corrective glasses of the Holy Spirit in order to be able to really see.

“Mama, now we all have glasses in our family!”  Dylan said proudly.  I looked at him and smiled, thinking that the same way, Our Father in Heaven gives each of his adopted children the Holy Spirit to clear up the vision of our awareness and discernment. 

“Are we getting them now?”  Dylan asked with excitement.  I had a hard time explaining to him that he wasn’t getting them just yet.  He felt crushed, for once we’ve experience clear vision, we don’t want to go back to fuzzy.

“Dylan, now you have to remember that when you get them, you are going to have to be very careful with those glasses, OK?”  I said to him, thinking of my own carelessness.  I know, however, that now that he’s realized what true clarity really means, though he might occasionally misplace them, he won’t really lose his glasses.  The irresistible grace of seeing will always bring him back until he is found and he can once again see. 

May the Lord help us remember to put on our Holy Spirit glasses every time we need to discern the truth.

He Holds Our Hands Even Down the Water Slide

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

We recently spent 3 wonderful days at an in-door-water-park.  The first few hours of the first day, however, were a bit challenging.  My little 6-year-old, Dylan, was very reluctant to get in the water.  “Mama, I don’t want to go in because it’s going to sprinkle and make me wet…,” he’d say to my bewilderment.  “But, Dylan!”  I would reply impatiently, “this IS a water park…of course you are going to get wet!”  “C’mon, be reasonable!”  I thought to myself.  After we realized that Dylan wasn’t going to just cheerfully dive in, I shooed my husband and my 9-year-old away, so I could flex my persuading muscles alone.  “Where are Daddy and Grant going, Mama?” A very puzzled Dylan asked me when he saw them leave for the water.  To which question I kindly replied, “to jump in the water, where else???” 

Then, I took him for a walk around the park.  First, we went into the kiddy area.  There, I pointed out that little kids were, not only surviving the water attractions, but also having fun while at it!  The visit to kiddy land bore no fruit, so we moved on to another fun and shallow play area.  Within this site there where twin slides sitting side by side.  My plan was to persuade him to try them by telling him that he would go in the orange one and I would go in the blue one and we’d race to see who wins!  He is very competitive, so it was a great plan!  Of course, it failed.  It didn’t matter how I approached the challenge.  He wasn’t budging.  I used forceful commands, like:  “you are going down that slide, Dylan, and that is that!”  After all, I am the authority figure, and he is supposed to obey me, right?  WRONG!  I also used old-lame lines that parents around the world use when they want to entice their boys to do something they don’t want to do, like:  “look at that little girl, Dylan, she is smaller than you and she is not afraid of the slide!”  Like any parent at the brink of losing it, I also used threats:  “Dylan, if you don’t go down that slide, you are NOT going to have any chocolate milk for a week!”  All these to no avail, of course. 

Finally, surrounded by other parents who were happily going down the slides with their happy children, I sat down on the floor, looked him in the eye, and I said, “I know you are afraid.  It is OK to be afraid, but I’m telling you that there is nothing to be afraid of.  Nothing bad is going to happen to you.  Trust me!  I am right here with you.  I will be with you all the time.  I would never send you to do something that would hurt you.  I will be right there when you come down, waiting for you.  I will be seeing you all the way.  You don’t have to be afraid.”  “Besides,” I added, “remember, you’ve been here before and you loved it!  Don’t you remember?”

Later, as I thought about the incident at the water park, I was, once again, stroke by what the Holy Spirit whispered in my ears.  “Where have I heard those words before?”  Well, I’ve heard them from our Father’s Holy Word, of course.  He is our Father and we are His beloved children.  And, If we, “though [we] are evil, know how to give good gifts to [our] children, how much more will [our] Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”  He is our Father.  He is our Good Father, who is always with us, as we cry “Abba” in our hour of fear.  As our Father, He tells us “fear not” so many times throughout the Bible that we could possibly have a Scriptural reference about not being afraid, but fearing only God for each day of the year.  He is with us; and, unlike our earthly parents, He is perfect and He never let go of us.  He never leaves us,  “for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”  (Deut. 31:6b)  He doesn’t even become impatient with us for our lack of faith, for He is love and love is patient and love is kind.

The problem is that we are quick to forget how great our God is.  We have been “there” before, and He has, as usual, gone with us, but we forget.  We have faced fiery trials, gone into the lion’s den, challenged giants; and through it all, the Lord has delivered us.  He has surely done great things for us, and we do rejoice, for the moment; but then we go back to our routine, unchanged. To our Father’s bewilderment, we forget.  Then, inevitably, we face the hard times again, and we fear, again.  We forget that He has always led us through the desserts of our lives; and how He gives us exactly what we need when we need it.  We fear because we forget.

Let us change course right here, right now, and pray that the Holy Spirit will never let us forget.  Let’s pray that He will help us remember that He holds our hand always.  May we have a keen awareness that He will never leave us nor forsake us.  This truth we must remember in all situations and rejoice in Him who upholds us with His righteous right hand!  Praise be to Him who goes with us.  Praise be to Him who “has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline,” (2 Timothy 1:7)  In the scary hour, let us all proclaim at loud, for the enemy to clearly hear and retreat, that:  “The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid” (Psalm 27:1)

With teary eyes and a frown on his forehead, Dylan finally let me lead him toward the slide.  With hesitation and often looking back to make sure I was really “there” with him as I had assured him, he sat down at the top of the slide and down he went.  I followed down on the one right next to his and we met up at the bottom.  I got up and grabbed him tightly.  Quickly, I carried him out of there, since the lifeguard was already blowing his whistle prompting us to vacate the area for the next sliders to be able to come down.  “You did it!!” I said to him over and over again.  “I knew you could do it!”  “See, you are OK, and it was fun too, wasn’t it?”  As we high-fived, I saw his face torn between a frown and a smile, until he finally admitted that he had liked it indeed.  After that first “trial” slide, Dylan was able to enjoy our visit to the water park.  I was able to tell him later, as we wandered around the lazy river, to remember that Jesus is always with us and that every time we are scared, we can call on Him and He will hold our hand so we are not afraid.  I don’t know if he heard me, since by then, Dylan was totally immersed in the fantasy of a watery vacation; but as for me, I pray those words continue to echo in my mind forever.  

Of Bees and Birds and the Pictures above Dylan’s Bed

Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.  Psalm 31: 3 NIV

It had been a long and hard week, so I was glad it was Friday.  Grant, Dylan and I were in the car, and all of the sudden the conversation between them took a turn dangerously close to the road of the birds and the bees (or is it the bees and the birds?).  Don’t ask me how, perhaps it was because we were headed to a birthday party for twins, but suddenly, the conversation between my two sons turned to how babies come out of their Mommies’ stomach and how the doctor cuts their bellies open to pull the babies out…gosh…

I cringed.  I looked at my hands on the wheel and my knuckles where white and my palms were sweaty.  But I kept quiet, that is, until I heard Grant telling Dylan how he hadn’t come out of Mama’s stomach.  I knew then I was soon going to have to join the “conversation.”

“Lord…” I thought, “Here we go, hold my hand.”  Dylan has never really showed much interest in his background other than noticing his skin tone being darker than most people around.  During Homecoming Day, he carefully goes through his “treasure chest” and intently examines the items that recount his story as an adopted son.  But he quickly looses interest and makes no comments other than lamenting not being able to fit into his baby Superman Halloween costume anymore. 

Above his bed, I hung a multi-photo picture frame with about 8 or 9 pictures of that morning on September 11, 2006 when Dylan was placed on my lap for the very first time at a hotel meeting room in Guatemala City.  The picture frame is very special to me because I purchased it with a gift of money our dear friend Diana gave to us when Dylan first came home.  Back then, I decided I needed to invest that gift on something meaningful, and that picture frame has hung above Dylan’s bed ever since.  However, I always found it curious that Dylan had never made any mention of the photos in it.  I thought it was, maybe, because the item is so familiar to him that he doesn’t even know it is there…who knows, but he had never said anything about them, until now, that is.

Back in the car, when Dylan heard Grant saying that he had not come out of my belly, he began attempting to formulate a coherent thought to explain that fact.  I know he was confused because he struggled to find the words.  I can’t even tell you what he actually said, but I knew then I had to break my silence.  I said, “You know?  Some children in some families didn’t come out of their Mother’s belly.  They came out of another woman’s belly.”  Then, I searched in my brain database for other kids he knows who are adopted.  Praise the Lord there is a significant amount of adopted kids who attend his school.  So, I began to mention name after name of different children at NCCA whom he’d know and are, indeed adopted.  The Holy Spirit made my speech come out very natural.  He gave such calmness to my voice that I almost didn’t recognize it!  As I heard myself peak, my own nervousness subsided.  We talked about how families are different, and Grant even brought in facts about families with step-children and step-parents.  Then, Dylan surprised me when he commented, “I’ve seen it on the pictures above my bed.”  I turned my head and I saw him deep in thought.  He then continued, “I was sitting on your lap.  I came out of you lap.  And I was waving good bye to you because I wanted to stay with my other Mommy, but now I don’t.”

He had not only seen the pictures, but he had listened to Dan when he told him a long time ago how, on his first day with us, he had cried and cried for hours and waved good bye to us repeatedly all throughout that first night.  He had put it all together in his young mind, and I was astonished. 

Later that night I told Dan about it and he was just as perplexed as I was.  Dylan is processing the reality of how he became our son even without us realizing it.  The Lord is guiding him through the process of understanding, and He is lovingly leading him through the intricacies of adoption.  Surely Dylan can one day certainly proclaim, It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. (2 Samuel 22:33)

We finally arrived at the birthday party.  The parents of the twin birthday girls, who are in Dylan’s class, graciously allowed Grant to stay since it was at the Olympic Fun Center and Grant was dying to stay.  I welcomed the prospect of having the next 2 hours to myself, so I kissed them good bye and left them there.  I climbed back in my car and began digesting what had just happened.  Maneuvering through the adoption road is difficult, but since the Lord is our Rock and Fortress, He will guide us and lead us for the sake of His name. (2 Samuel 22:2)  My little boy is been guided by our Lord and I trust that’s the best alternative for Dylan to find his way.

In a Little While

Dylan doesn’t like to see me leave the house.  He’s always been the one to start crying and begging for me to stay every time he sees any movement that signals me leaving for an errand.  “Please, Mama, stay.  Don’t go!”  Dylan’s words are always met with my standard reply, “Don’t worry; I’ll be back in a little while.”  However, he usually counters with, “Can I come with you?”  To which I respond, “No, you can’t.  It won’t take long.  I’ll be back soon.  You’ll be fine.  I’ll be back in a little while.”  Now, as he struggles to comprehend the concept of time, he is adding to his repertoire the question, “but, what is a little while?”  I haven’t really come up with a good answer for that yet.  Often I just say things like, “a little while is kind of like 2 or 3 episodes of…The Wonder Pets or The Backyardigans?!” (or any other TV show that he enjoys watching)  This is not a very satisfactory answer or explanation for what “a little while” might mean, but at least it keeps him occupied on trying to figure out how long does one episode of his favorite show feels like.  This distraction gives me a few seconds to escape out the door unnoticed.

This common occurrence at my house makes me think of John chapter 16.  In it, Jesus is talking to His disciples about the trials that they will soon begin to go through  Our Lord explains to His beloved friends how He needs to go away so the Spirit of Truth would come to them as their personal compass for the life to come.  Jesus then says to them, “In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.” (John 16:16)  To this, the disciples wonder among themselves, “What does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don’t understand what he is saying.” (John 16:18)  They were nervous about the prospect of not having Jesus with them anymore.  It didn’t matter if it was supposed to be just for a “little while.”  The disciples became anxious just thinking about Jesus not being there with them.  Like us, we crave His presence more than anything.  Life’s hardship is bearable only if we perceive His presence going before us.  No wonder the disciples were worried. 
Jesus then proceeded to reassure His followers by telling them what to expect in the near future and of the limitless joy they would experience after their trials because they have believed that He came from the Father, and how the Father would give them anything they ask in Jesus’ name.  Jesus then wrapped it up by saying to His friends, those whom He had chosen, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
He has overcome the world and He is our peace.  That sense of stability and serenity doesn’t derive from our circumstances.  Peace is the person of Jesus Christ; and by giving us His Holy Spirit, He gives us His peace.  He had to leave so we would be able to have Him within us always.  It is one of the many Biblical paradoxes that twist the brain in nuts of mystery which will only be deciphered when we meet Him face to face some day.  In the meantime, we rest assured in His faithfulness and in His truth.  We keep busy while we wait; and we delight in His peace.  For now, even though, just like Dylan, we can’t fully grasp the meaning of God’s time; we rest on His promise that He’ll be back in “a little while.”

Let Your "Little Light" Shine

“OK, Grant.  What’s this business about 4^th graders being mean to each other?”  I asked my older son after he came back from school the day I got an e-mail from the principal addressing this situation.  The conversation went something like this:  “Are you involved in it in any way?”  “No.”  “Have you been mean to anybody?”  “No.”  “Has anybody been mean to you?”  “No.”  “Have you seen it happening?”  “No.  I’m not involved in it,” he said sounding annoyed, and hoping I’d leave him alone.  But I didn’t. 

“If you say you are not involved, I believe you because I trust you.  I just want to make sure I understand the situation.”  I reassured him, and pressed again, “…but have you been there when it has happened to someone else?”  “No…well…once.”  “When?  What happened?”  “Well, I heard when a kid called another kid ‘cheese’…”  “???...OK…  Is that it?”  “Yes…” he said unconvincingly, which prompted me to press him some more, and then lecture him on how as a Christian he has the responsibility to witness to the truth.  Of course he had no clue what I was talking about, to which I responded with more theology that went WAY over his 9 year old head.  I was afraid I was not reaching him at all. 

“Remember the golden rule?”  “Yes.”  “What is it?”  “Do unto others as you’d like it to be done unto you…”  “Give me an example.”  I thought that now he was going to say something profoundly relevant to this case like “well, if I don’t want people to be mean to me I should not be mean to them!”  But instead he said, “…an example…it means…well…that if you hit someone, he’ll hit you back.”  I sighed and reiterated the golden rule in less King-James-like words.  Then, I asked him again for another example, only to hear the same kind of idea one more time.  I don’t know about you, but in my mind, that line of thinking is more “eye for an eye,” type of rule.  And that’s not what Jesus taught.   

I was not getting to him.  I was out of words and clever thoughts.  I had nothing left.  I relinquished to the Holy Spirit and He moved me to grab my son by the shoulders and say, as a final attempt, “listen, I don’t care what the other kids do.  If they don’t have the Light in them and they do the wrong thing, that’s between them and God; but you have the Light; and you have to let it shine!”  I turned and began to walk away, but somehow, with the very corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Grant’s face, and on it, there was the hint of something clicking.  I stopped in my tracks, turned around to face him again and said, “yes, that’s what it means to let your little light shine.”  I looked him straight into his eyes for an instant, and walked away to let his young brain process his thoughts on his own. 

I look back on that incident now and marvel at the power of the Holy Spirit.  He speaks to us in Scripture, in nature, in old familiar children songs.  It really doesn’t matter; He can use it all to get to us, if we let Him.  Once I let Him take over, He moved me to use something my young son would understand and then He moved me to give him the space he needed to let the thoughts sink in.  May we tune into the Holy Spirit so we can see truth clearly revealed.

Scripture to Ponder:  I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness.  John 12:46

I Did It!

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service.  1 Timothy 1:12

“Mama, I did it!  I did it all by myself!  Look!”  This was Dylan’s proud announcement the first time he was able to tie his shoes all by himself a few days ago.  Bright-eyed, ear-to-ear smile on his little face, Dylan’s sense of accomplishment was great that day.  Coincidentally, later that same day, when Grant heard me coming in the house after an evening meeting at church, he got out of his bed to greet me with a similar announcement, “we did it Mama!  We finished it!”  “You did!?  That is so totally cool!  Thank you guys!  So you helped out?”  “Yes, I helped putting it together!”  I could see the sparks in Grant’s eyes even in the middle of the dark hallway as he related the story of him having a big part in the assembling of a new gigantic shelf we had just gotten that afternoon.  Once again, I felt the pride and sense of accomplishment that filled my dear boy’s precious heart. 

“I did it,” three words that evoke the implication of a job well done.  When said in the right context, you can almost see the person taking a few steps back to contemplate his or her accomplishment, his or her masterpiece.  The words ring like an anthem to productive work.  They bring images of an artist’s finishing strokes on a work of art. 

The phrase also echoes another set of words that summarize the totality of the greatest accomplishment ever, - “it is finished,” - the last words out of the mouth of our Savior before he bowed His Holy head and exhaled his breath of life on earth for the last time.  “It is finished,” the words that say that Jesus paid it all, and that all to Him we owe.  “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End,” the words of a Risen Lord in all His Divinity, not the Suffering Servant, but the Almighty of Revelation 21:6.  It is all done by Him; and all that it is left for us to do is to accept it.

On the same token, by His mighty power we are able to accomplish what He commissions us to do here on earth.  Sometimes we feel as if our weaknesses could keep us from performing our task; but that is the deceit of the enemy.  At that moment of near defeat, we must remember that the enemy would try anything to keep us from our Kingdom work.  And that our only defense is a pure heart that lives according to His Word, Psalm 119:9. A pure heart that recognizes that it is nothing without Him, but that in Him there is victory.  A pure heart that knows that, "[His] grace is sufficient for [us], for [His] power is made perfect in weakness," (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

It is through Him and in Him that we can do all things, (Philippians 4:13).  He empowers us with His glorious might so that we may have great endurance, (Colossians 1:11).  It is through His Holy Spirit who dwells in our inner beings that we will be strengthened to do the work that He has appointed for us.

I cling to that divine strength with all I’ve got, since great is my weakness.  I cling to His grace and power with legs, arms and teeth, for otherwise I sink.  Day in and day out I trust Him with my life and my beloved.  Day in and day out I step out of my office, and as I walk to my classes, I send to Him my desperate plea, “Lord, I’ve got nothing.  I fully rely on You for this.  Give me what I need to do my job and honor You.”  Day in and day out I see my sons off to school in the morning and I plea with the Lord, “please be with them, for I cannot protect them.  Please be the guardian of their innocence, purity and integrity, for they are all beyond my power to guard.”  Day in and day out, as I see my husband’s faithfulness in display in everything he does, I plea with the Lord to keep him safe and healthy.  Day in and day out I lift my eyes to the Heavens and pray that The Lord, My Savior will turn His ear to my cry, for He promised that all I need is Him; and that He has done it all for me. 

Grant and Dylan went to bed that night feeling good about themselves.  Their self-esteems got a big boost that day, that’s for sure.  I pray they remember that whatever talents they may have, were given to them by the Most High God for them to use for His purpose, not their own.  I pray that they are aware of the power of the Holy Spirit in them and how that power is given to God’s children for the furthering of His Kingdom.  I pray they realize that His Grace is what sustains them and maintains them.  I pray they discover that it is through Him and in Him that they can do all things.  I pray we all get to hear one day the voice of our Lord saying, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

God-Moments at Unlikely Times

A couple of nights ago, after we had just put our Dylan to bed, I immediately immersed myself in my web-browsing-evening-routine.  The excursion was a brief one; however, since not a full minute later, Dylan came out of his bedroom and started calling me to go to his room to “see something.”  I’m pleading with him to just go to bed or even just tell me what it was. “Use your words,” I told him, hoping I didn’t have to get up and “go see.”  He wouldn’t have any of it.  So, reluctantly, I got up, grunting all the way there,  hands on my hips, I stood in his doorway waiting to “see,” only to hear him say, “see mama, that’s the song…that’s your favorite song that we hear in your radio, in the car, you and me!  Remember? See?”  Of course I could “see” it.  It was indeed one of my favorite songs playing on the radio, which we leave on tuned-in to the Christian radio station in his room every night while he falls as sleep.  At that moment I realized I had just had a God moment.  Needless to say, I felt terribly guilty for thinking my boy was being just a pest.  I thanked him for “showing” me, tucked him back in bed and as I walked away from his room, I could hear him trying to sing along to the tune of “You love me anyway, O how you love me.” 

God had used my little persistent boy to touch me when I least expected it.  I was not going through any particularly spiritual moment at the time.  All I was seeking was to sit, chill and relax in front of my favorite news blogs, check my e-mail and maybe jump into tweeter too.  Nothing grandiose or illuminating, I was just looking forward to some down time.  His timing is not my timing, but His timing surely is perfect.  When He wants our attention, He uses all sorts of things and situations.  He catches our eye and makes us focus on Him at whatever time is convenient for Him; and He does it in a way that we have no choice but to look at Him and listen to what He has to say.  All we have to do is leaf through Scripture and we find example after example of people whose attention centered on God after He came knocking at the most extraordinary moments and places. 

He called on middle aged shepherds.  Remember Moses?  He was tending his father-in-law’s flock when, there!  A burning bush calling out his name!  How about Jonah?  God sure caught his attention alright!  Jonah refused to do the will of God and God put him in a “time-out” so he’d have plenty of uninterrupted time to think about what he needed to do. 

In other passages we see our Lord inviting Himself over to the house of short-little tax collectors for an unexpected dinner party.  “Zacchaeus, you come down!”  Other times He used the least ideal of circumstances to reveal the most astounding truth.  For instance, I don’t think John went to the island of Patmos looking for a beach resort and some quiet time to write a book. 

God revealed Himself to the people in the Bible in astonishing ways and at unbelievable locations, precisely because He knows that the unexpected always catches our attention.  And He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, which means, He still does! 

He can and does use anything and anybody to speak to us.  The amazing thing is that when He calls, there is not much more for us to do than to listen.  Even in the middle of our hectic and crazy lives, He always finds a way to catch our attention, and it is always for a good reason.  Can we recognize Him in the unexpected?  Can we “see” Him calling?  I bet we can!

 The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening."  1 Samuel 3: 10