Just Breathe

After another grueling afternoon spent with my younger son and “Tommy Triangle” and “Ricky Rectangle”, my husband walked in the door and asked his usual question of every evening, “did anybody get the mail?” (Why he doesn’t just get it as he pulls in the driveway still beats me, but I digress…) To which question I gave my standard reply, “no.”  However, this time, “something” moved me to also say, “but I’ll get it!” 

Kicking around shoes and toys left laying everywhere on the floor, I made my way to the front door.  Before I swung it open, I put on my older son’s favorite flip flops as an afterthought.  Finally, I stepped out the door.  The gentle breeze of that late summer afternoon caressed my face so tenderly that it made me stop on the front step to take in a deep and refreshing breath.  I lifted up my head and looked around inhaling as much as I could of that fragrant summer air.   It was a gorgeous afternoon indeed.  I felt as if I had just broken out of a box in which I’d been trapped for a mighty long time.  It was as if the breath of God was breathing down on me.    

I started to walk down the driveway and soon I thought to myself, “boy, these dumb flip flops are very comfortable! No wonder Grant wants to wear them all the time.”  It was as if the darn things were massaging my sore feet with every step I took.  I checked my feet again to see how well those bright blue flip flops fit me.  Surprisingly, they fit me perfectly.  “How has that boy grown…,” I thought with a sigh.  I kept on walking toward the rusty old mailbox and my spirits continued to be lifted up with every step.  I looked up and around and breathed in the beauty of the early evening.  I do love summer.  The soothing breeze touched my face again and made me smile.  Summer fits me like a pair of old comfortable shoes…

In my mind the lyrics and tunes of an old Hymn mixed in with a contemporary Praise and Worship song.  “Breathe on my breath of God, fill me with life anew…this is the air I breathe…Your holy presence living in me…I’m lost without you…”    He is the breath we breathe.  His Holy presence living in me is the Holy Spirit who dwells inside every Christian.  This is the air we breathe, His peace.  This is the air we breathe, His strength.  This is the air we breathe, His Holy Spirit, like He told the Apostles in John 20:21-22 when He said,  ^{21 “…}Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” ²² And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit.”  He is the air we breathe.  His breath comes with the four winds, like He told Ezekiel when He was about to breathe life onto the dry bones. (Ezekiel 37:9)  And we are like those dry bones, which He renews with His Holy Breath. 

On my way back to the house I was joined by my little Dylan.  I handed him an envelope, and tried one more/last time, “what shape is it?”  As if by magic and to my great delight he replied with a big bright smile on his face, “a rectangle!”  YES!!!  I said aloud and gave him a high five. 

The Lord provided me with exactly what I needed at that moment.  He gave me what He knew would cheer my heart.  He gave me a beautiful summer afternoon.  He not only gave me the glorious afternoon, but He made sure I didn’t miss it!  He touched my shoulder and moved me to exercise a mundane activity which I never do, and with that, He ministered to my soul.  He even gave me the blessing of comfy shoes for my tired and hurting feet.  He turned the irritating “shoes on the way” into a blessing I’ll never forget.

“You are my portion, O Lord.” (Psalm 119: 57)  Thank you for being a loving and caring Father.  You are the God of the details.  You know your children so well that you know perfectly what would fill their hearts with joy at the right moment.  You are the breath I breathe…I am lost without you.  Breathe on me Breath of God, fill me with life anew.

Super Moon

Last Saturday, May 5^th was my son Grant’s birthday.  He turned 10, which in itself is amazing to me.  I just cannot believe that it has been 10 years since I received him into my arms as a - 22 inches, 8.14 oz -miracle.  But life has a way to slip away very fast.  The only thing left for us to do is to make sure we make good memories and imprint them into our hearts and minds in a way that they stay there forever.  This is exactly what I had intended on Saturday night.

One of the presents we gave Grant and his brother too, was a full-size trampoline.  They had been begging for one ever since their cousins Luke and Sarah got one last year.  Dan finally gave in and he went and got it a few days before Grant’s big day.  It was a great joy to see the look of surprise in the boys faces once they figured out what was inside the huge box their Dad was showing them. 

Right away we go to work on it and by that afternoon, it was up. 

I had heard on the radio that there was going to be a super moon shinning brighter than usual that weekend, so as we were trying out the trampoline, I told the kids about it.  I highly doubt they heard a word I said, but when we came back from dinner that night, I reminded them of the super moon.  Nobody seemed excited still.  As soon as it got dark enough, I wrapped myself in a SpongeBob blanket and announced that I was going outside to see the moon and walked out the door.  It happened that the moon was still behind some trees, so I climbed on the trampoline and instantly got a much better view.  The kids followed and finally, in the light of the super moon, I saw the look of awe in their little faces. 

We jumped for a while, giving the moon time to climb higher in the night sky.  Only a few minutes later, and there it was, the most superb moon I’ve ever seen.  The light brightened up our backyard and the light bounced off the dark trampoline matt like a spotlight.  I said a few things about how we are to be like the moon and reflect the light, the Divine Light we have in us.  I reminded them how Jesus is the Light of the World and since He lives in us, we are His light and we need to let it shine.  I said many things, which I’m sure they half-heard, until I finally decided to lay down on the trampoline to contemplate the super moon in silence.  Dylan laid down next to me and later Grant did the same.  We laid down in silence for a long while, basking in that glorious and miraculous gift from God. 

I don’t know about my boys, but I sure accomplished what I wanted that evening.  I made a memory that would last me a lifetime.  I don’t think I could ever forget the day my older son turned 10 years old.  I don’t think I could ever forget how we are called to be the light of the world.

 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Matthew 5: 14-16

Homecoming Day!

September 15 has become a day of great joy in our household since on that day we celebrate the homecoming of our son Dylan Carlos.  My husband Dan, my older son Grant and I traveled to Guatemala years ago to receive Dylan as our beloved child.  After a few hectic/crazy days in Guatemala City, we returned to our quiet, country home in Western PA on that day.  We remember such important event every year with presents, yummy treats and thoughtful consideration of the miracle of adoption. 

During the first few years, though Dylan enjoyed the presents and the festivities, he did not really have a clue of what the whole thing was all about.  It was not until he was around six years old that he began to notice that homecoming day has special significance because of the way he came to be our son.  I’m not sure he truly understands the nature of adoption yet; but I know he is starting to realize that it is a very special and blessed relationship.

We try to emphasize the importance of adoption in God’s heart, and how He has blessed the bonds formed through adoption so much that when He became flesh in the person of Jesus Christ and was born to an earthly Mother, The God Incarnate chose to come as the adoptive son of a carpenter.  Thus Jesus became a righteous “shoot of Jesse” through the process of adoption.  Of course, rather than explaining the mystery of the Holy Trinity and the Genealogy of Jesus, we simply tell Dylan that Jesus was adopted too!

We also tell him how adoption is very near and dear to the heart of God for it is adoption what describes our relationship to Him.  We are all adopted by our Heavenly Father which makes Christianity the largest adoptive family of all!  “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.”  (Ephesians 1:4-5 NIV)

So, as we watch Dylan open his Homecoming Day presents and enjoy his favorite treats, on September 15^th our family celebrates the gift of adoption that our God has given to all of us.  Homecoming Day, therefore, has little by little become not only about Dylan’s entry into our family, but about our homecoming into the family of God, and the rejoicing that goes on in Heaven every time a lost soul is found.  (Luke 15:7 NIV)     On that special day we all “see what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”  (1 John 3:1)

School Bus Time

Isaiah 40:31
“But those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.” (NIV)

Every afternoon I have the privilege to see my boys get off the school bus and welcome them home.  Everyday I rejoice watching how Dylan starts running toward the house as soon as his little feet touch the driveway.  He runs with a big smile on his face.  Sometimes I step outside and wait for them at the top of the driveway.  On those days, Dylan runs with open arms, almost ready to take off the ground, to land in a tight embrace into mine.  It sure is delightful to hug my little one and lift him up after a long day at school. 

The scene reminds me of how I imagine the day I will finally come home and get to see Jesus for the first time.  I picture Him at the end of the heavenly driveway with His arms extended toward me, motioning me to come near.  Like the song says, “I can only imagine,” the joy I would feel on that moment.  After a long “day” that lasted a lifetime, filled with hardship, disappointment, discouragement, and failures, the reward will await me with open arms.  I imagine my strength being renewed and not feeling faint anymore.  I imagine me running and more than that, soaring as if with wings like eagles to land in his arms at last.  O glorious day!

The thought of that moment refuels my empty soul and sparks the energy that jumpstarts my engine again.  This engine designed by My Maker, which keeps me functioning while still on this side of heaven despite the occasional stalling on cold days.  The thoughts of the eternal keep me wanting to press on for I am not done yet.  Like Paul tells us in Philippians 3: 13-14, “…one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

I’ll keep on pressing on as I wait to be home.  Today, however, as the first signs of spring pop up all around, I think I will venture outside to wait for Dylan at the top of the driveway.  Hopefully I will see him running happily into my arms, pretending to fly.  I will receive him with joy in my heart and lift him off the ground, while I still can : )

"Mama, Why Can't We See Good?"

After spending a gorgeous, but very hot summer afternoon at the park followed by a rushed grocery shopping trip at a desperately crowded store, my two sons and I climbed in my hopelessly messy economy-beat-up car.  I still had to go fill up with over-priced gas to then go home and fix dinner.  Needless to say, I was running a bit low on more than gas.  As I was taking a turn to get out of the store’s parking lot, I hear my 5 ½ year old ask me, “Mama, why can’t we see God?”  Of course, like any normal, flustered Mother would do, I kindly replied, “WHAT?”  hoping that I had not heard him right, only to hear him repeat the same precious question in his delightfully childish voice, “why can’t we see God?  I knew I was in trouble then.

I managed to muster a very complicated answer trying to explain the mystery of the Trinity and how we will see God when Jesus returns since Jesus is the physical representation of God.  Then, my 9 year-old said, “yes, I think the only one who has ever seen God was Moses; but I think he didn’t really see Him, he just was in His presence or something.”  By then, my head was spinning and I was glad that I had finally pulled into the gas station.  The conversation, obviously, ended abruptly and we went home; but the thought remained.  My young son’s question lingered in my mind; but mostly, I felt a nagging feeling of inadequacy.  I did not provide my little boy with an appropriate answer and that really bothered me.  That should never happen.  We are commanded to “…revere Christ as Lord.”  And to  “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that [we] have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” (1 Peter 3:15)  I tell you, I revere Christ as Lord with all my heart; but I was not prepared to give any answer to my little inquisitive boy; and I felt ashamed.  I don’t want to be caught off guard again.  How do I get prepared?

After days meditating about this, the Holy Spirit was my only reply.  It is only the Holy Spirit who can provide the correct answers to the questions others may ask us.  And ask they will!  It is only by consciously and deliberately putting ourselves in the hands of the Holy Spirit and by asking Him to speak for us and use us to communicate His message to those inquiring souls, that we may have a chance at providing a coherent response.  We must never depend on our own knowledge or believe that we have the wisdom to respond on our won.  Only He can reveal Himself to those He chooses.  

Humility is the key in this respect.  That doesn’t mean, however, that we give up and say, “well, I got nothin’ to do here…God will give me the words when & where I need them.”  I don’t know about you, but God is not in the habit of speaking in an audible voice to me personally.  He does speak to me all the time, however!  He speaks to me through His Holy Word contained in the Bible.  I firmly believe that studying the Bible is the greatest tool we have at our disposal “for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” (2 Timothy 3:16)  Therefore, He will use His own Word to aide us in our conundrums.  That is not to say, however, that God cannot just whisper in our ears in His own voice anytime He thinks that is what we need.  But I believe that a very effective way to hear His voice in our time of need is by knowing His Word and memorizing as much of it as possible so, when we are on the spot, it can come back to rescue us. 

I also believe that constantly praying and asking God for wisdom and discernment is crucial.  “He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning.  He reveals deep and hidden things,” says Daniel in chapter 2: 21-22.  We might not consider ourselves very wise or discerning right now, but the moment we begin to ask for wisdom and discernment we become wiser right away.  Like King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived.  Why?  Because he asked for it!

Finally, I also believe that there will be many questions we won’t ever be able to answer no matter how much we study and pray.  Some of the mysteries of God are meant to remain mysterious for as long as we call this earth our home.  After all, like C.S. Lewis said in the Chronicles of Narnia:  “he is not a tame lion.”  What kind of a God He would be if we, mere created beings, could explain everything about Him who created us?  …Now, try to answer that!

I Need a Break

First day of school and I’m already getting notes from my Dylan’s teacher saying that he is not listening.  Well, of course he is not!  He is a boy!  A few days later, it’s back to work for me.  It’s Monday morning and I can’t find a parking spot near my office.  So I have to walk a significant distance with a bag full of books in one hand, and an oversized purse and my lunch bag in the other one while wearing uncomfortable shoes.  I finally make it to my first class, and the computer doesn’t work.  My next two classes are packed full of first level students who have no interest in learning Spanish other than, “it’s required,” which isn’t the greatest motivator. 

My stomach is unsettled and my brain is racing.  I need a break.  I go for an unhealthy drink at the vending machine to find out that the price has gone up!  I eat lunch on the go, finish up my last class and run to the distant parking spot where I left my car.  By the time I get there, I have ruptured blisters on both my feet.  A forty minute drive later I’m home to get my boys off the bus.  Then, I find out that my little one decided to forget what triangles and rectangles are.  I spent all afternoon working on shapes, and arguing with my too-smart-for-his-own-good older son about how for a number to be in the millions, it needs to have at least 7 digits! 

“Why didn’t you guys eat your lunches?”  “Well, I didn’t like that sandwich you packed,” says one, and the other one tells me, “I didn’t have time to finish.”  I need a break.  I send them both outside and then realize that it is almost six o’clock and I haven’t even started dinner.  My husband comes home and I send him outside too.  “Go practice shapes with Dylan!” I yell as he gladly goes out the door again.

It seems like dinner is going to happen after all; then I catch a glimpse of the pile of clean clothes downstairs already mixing in with its dirty counterpart.  At some point I also have to iron shirts and clean, at least the bathroom.  After dinner the kids have some time to play and relax while I start preparing my lessons for tomorrow.  Soon it’s time for baths.  Bedtime is here, at last!  “Be quiet while I read…do you not want me to read this book?”  “I can’t sleep.  It’s too hot.  Can you stay here a minute.”  I need a break, so I do stay.  I lay down on my older son’s bed and I snooze for a few minutes. 

After the boys are out, I get up and finish my lessons.   My hair is a mess.  I need a haircut really bad.  Where did I put that piece of paper?  “Mama, can I have some chocolate milk?”  “No!  All the cups are dirty.”  Whine, whine, and whine some more until there is silence, blessed silence.  Finally I get a few minutes to talk to my husband.  Bad idea, since a simple question ends up turning into a brain-twister of grave proportions.  My brain is fried.  I need a break.  I go to bed to wake up and do it all over again, tomorrow.

There are stages, seasons of life in which it becomes very hard to remember what the Word says about not letting stress take away our peace.  The season of parenting young children is one of them, but there are many others.  Every season brings with itself its own stress.  The season of worrying about aging parents and how to best care for them, for example, is another highly stressful and gut-wrenching one, as I’ve lately discovered.  There is also the season when we have to deal with our own aging and our own transitions.  There is the season of new beginnings, such as adjusting to married life, or to an empty house, or to a house full of teenagers or infants, or to a new job or to a lack of thereof. 

It’s all so very hard.  What are we to do?  Well, all I know to do is to dwell in His Word and cling to His promises for dear life.  One thing I am thinking about doing, but haven’t had time to do yet is to pull out several verses from Scripture that pertain to not being anxious, and keep them handy for when I forget.  One that will certainly top the list, once I get to it, is Philippians 4:6-7:  ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I want that peace that “transcends all understanding.”  What can I do to get it?  I can present my requests to God in prayer and petition with thanksgiving.  I praise Him, for He is worthy of all our praise and worship.  I ask Him in faith.  And I give Him thanks.  I recount His many blessings on me, and I thank Him for He has been faithful in my life; and He who has been faithful, will be faithful again, and again. 

Jesus Himself told us that He has given us His Word so we can have peace.  He said in John 16:33:  ³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  And as we have already realized, we will have trouble indeed; but the one thing we need to realize also is that our faith is in Him, and He is the One and Only who has overcome the world. 

May the words of Paul to the Colossians in chapter 3:15, ¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful, be our exhortation to strive for a life filled with the peace of our Lord and Savior.

Lessons from a Walkman

This past Saturday was the annual Bazaar at our church, and the boys and I headed out there around mid morning.  As soon as we got out of the car, Grant and Dylan went off on their own, and began their quest for “treasures.”  Grant inherited my love for rummaging through old things to uncover hidden jewels among the…how shall I put it?...refuse? 

A while later, as I was trying to decide if I should buy a really neat red-bottle-lamp, Grant came in the Christmas room excited and confused at the same time.  “Mom, come with me,” he said, pulling me away from the red lamp.  He took me into the “electronics” section of the “trash and treasures” room, and walked me to a table from where he got a small black thing.  “Look!  It’s a ‘walker’!”  As he said that, he placed the small gadget in my hands.  I looked at it, laughed and said to him, “Not a ‘walker,’ this is called a Walkman…” 

I continued to contemplate the thing as it took me back to my teenage years.  The feelings came back like a rushing flood.  Just like today, as a kid, I loved listening to music.  It was my escape from the trials of adolescence.  So ever since I was about 13 or 14 years old, my love affair with the Walkman began.  A Sony Walkman with a built in radio…sigh…that was my dream.  I prayed many times that God would let me have one, but I knew that there wasn’t even a slim chance of my parents ever buying me one.  So I began to save every penny I got.  I drooled every time I saw them in TV commercials or at the stores.  I saved and saved and eventually, years later, I was able to buy one that was on sale.  By the time I got it, however, there were “better” systems in the market which ended up forcing the Walkman to be discontinued.  I was cool for a very short time.  Now, a good 30 years later, my 9 year old son placed one in my hands.  I couldn’t help but smile. 

I said aloud how much I had wanted one when I was a kid, and my good friend Diana, who was the sales clerk at the “electronics department,” told me, “well, He knew He’d give you one.  He just didn’t say when He’d give it to you!”  I loved hearing that.  There was so much truth in that statement.  He is Faithful!  He answers all our prayers.  The thing is that sometimes the answers vary.  At times He responds with a good resounding “yes,” whereas some other times the answer is “no,” and other times yet, the answer is “wait.” 

O how hard it is to receive one of those, “not yet” kind of answers from God.  But, O how sweet it is the day He finally comes through.  O, how sweet the sight of the lost son/daughter/brother/sister/friend when he finally is found.  O, how sweet the revelation of His presence, and how refreshing the taste of His Living Water after coming out of a period of walking in the dessert.  O, how beautiful the sunlight breaking through the clouds after the storm.  O, how delightful the light when He pulls us out of the pit.   O, how sweet the sound of His voice calling out our name and telling us to come home.

“Sometimes He doesn’t remove the mountain because He wants us to climb it to meet Him at the top and see Him transfigured,” I read in a devotional some time ago.  The magnificence of His radiance that meets us at the top of that mountain is our reward for enduring and persevering.  The Lord is Faithful and all His promises are true.  His blessings are new everyday.  Even if sometimes He makes us wait, it is worth the wait.  It is in the wait where we develop Christian character and we grow as His beloved.  It is the wait what makes the encounter much sweeter, meaningful and unforgettable.

We paid a whole dollar for that mint-condition-old Walkman.  It works beautifully.  It has been a lot of fun teaching Grant about cassettes and the heart break of having your most precious tapes all tangled up in the player.  It has been fun reminiscing with my son about the longings of a teenage heart, and how sometimes we just have to wait a long time to get what we want.  Even Dylan is interested in it.  As a matter of fact, I just went in their room to check up on them, and I saw him asleep in his bed with the headphones on and the Walkman tucked in his hand just like my parents would see me every night, O so many years ago.  Does it get any sweeter than that?   The lessons from that old Walkman will probably continue for a while as I watch my sons fiddle with old tapes.  In the meantime, I will thank God for delayed answers to my prayers.