Of Bees and Birds and the Pictures above Dylan’s Bed

Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.  Psalm 31: 3 NIV

It had been a long and hard week, so I was glad it was Friday.  Grant, Dylan and I were in the car, and all of the sudden the conversation between them took a turn dangerously close to the road of the birds and the bees (or is it the bees and the birds?).  Don’t ask me how, perhaps it was because we were headed to a birthday party for twins, but suddenly, the conversation between my two sons turned to how babies come out of their Mommies’ stomach and how the doctor cuts their bellies open to pull the babies out…gosh…

I cringed.  I looked at my hands on the wheel and my knuckles where white and my palms were sweaty.  But I kept quiet, that is, until I heard Grant telling Dylan how he hadn’t come out of Mama’s stomach.  I knew then I was soon going to have to join the “conversation.”

“Lord…” I thought, “Here we go, hold my hand.”  Dylan has never really showed much interest in his background other than noticing his skin tone being darker than most people around.  During Homecoming Day, he carefully goes through his “treasure chest” and intently examines the items that recount his story as an adopted son.  But he quickly looses interest and makes no comments other than lamenting not being able to fit into his baby Superman Halloween costume anymore. 

Above his bed, I hung a multi-photo picture frame with about 8 or 9 pictures of that morning on September 11, 2006 when Dylan was placed on my lap for the very first time at a hotel meeting room in Guatemala City.  The picture frame is very special to me because I purchased it with a gift of money our dear friend Diana gave to us when Dylan first came home.  Back then, I decided I needed to invest that gift on something meaningful, and that picture frame has hung above Dylan’s bed ever since.  However, I always found it curious that Dylan had never made any mention of the photos in it.  I thought it was, maybe, because the item is so familiar to him that he doesn’t even know it is there…who knows, but he had never said anything about them, until now, that is.

Back in the car, when Dylan heard Grant saying that he had not come out of my belly, he began attempting to formulate a coherent thought to explain that fact.  I know he was confused because he struggled to find the words.  I can’t even tell you what he actually said, but I knew then I had to break my silence.  I said, “You know?  Some children in some families didn’t come out of their Mother’s belly.  They came out of another woman’s belly.”  Then, I searched in my brain database for other kids he knows who are adopted.  Praise the Lord there is a significant amount of adopted kids who attend his school.  So, I began to mention name after name of different children at NCCA whom he’d know and are, indeed adopted.  The Holy Spirit made my speech come out very natural.  He gave such calmness to my voice that I almost didn’t recognize it!  As I heard myself peak, my own nervousness subsided.  We talked about how families are different, and Grant even brought in facts about families with step-children and step-parents.  Then, Dylan surprised me when he commented, “I’ve seen it on the pictures above my bed.”  I turned my head and I saw him deep in thought.  He then continued, “I was sitting on your lap.  I came out of you lap.  And I was waving good bye to you because I wanted to stay with my other Mommy, but now I don’t.”

He had not only seen the pictures, but he had listened to Dan when he told him a long time ago how, on his first day with us, he had cried and cried for hours and waved good bye to us repeatedly all throughout that first night.  He had put it all together in his young mind, and I was astonished. 

Later that night I told Dan about it and he was just as perplexed as I was.  Dylan is processing the reality of how he became our son even without us realizing it.  The Lord is guiding him through the process of understanding, and He is lovingly leading him through the intricacies of adoption.  Surely Dylan can one day certainly proclaim, It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. (2 Samuel 22:33)

We finally arrived at the birthday party.  The parents of the twin birthday girls, who are in Dylan’s class, graciously allowed Grant to stay since it was at the Olympic Fun Center and Grant was dying to stay.  I welcomed the prospect of having the next 2 hours to myself, so I kissed them good bye and left them there.  I climbed back in my car and began digesting what had just happened.  Maneuvering through the adoption road is difficult, but since the Lord is our Rock and Fortress, He will guide us and lead us for the sake of His name. (2 Samuel 22:2)  My little boy is been guided by our Lord and I trust that’s the best alternative for Dylan to find his way.

In a Little While

Dylan doesn’t like to see me leave the house.  He’s always been the one to start crying and begging for me to stay every time he sees any movement that signals me leaving for an errand.  “Please, Mama, stay.  Don’t go!”  Dylan’s words are always met with my standard reply, “Don’t worry; I’ll be back in a little while.”  However, he usually counters with, “Can I come with you?”  To which I respond, “No, you can’t.  It won’t take long.  I’ll be back soon.  You’ll be fine.  I’ll be back in a little while.”  Now, as he struggles to comprehend the concept of time, he is adding to his repertoire the question, “but, what is a little while?”  I haven’t really come up with a good answer for that yet.  Often I just say things like, “a little while is kind of like 2 or 3 episodes of…The Wonder Pets or The Backyardigans?!” (or any other TV show that he enjoys watching)  This is not a very satisfactory answer or explanation for what “a little while” might mean, but at least it keeps him occupied on trying to figure out how long does one episode of his favorite show feels like.  This distraction gives me a few seconds to escape out the door unnoticed.

This common occurrence at my house makes me think of John chapter 16.  In it, Jesus is talking to His disciples about the trials that they will soon begin to go through  Our Lord explains to His beloved friends how He needs to go away so the Spirit of Truth would come to them as their personal compass for the life to come.  Jesus then says to them, “In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.” (John 16:16)  To this, the disciples wonder among themselves, “What does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don’t understand what he is saying.” (John 16:18)  They were nervous about the prospect of not having Jesus with them anymore.  It didn’t matter if it was supposed to be just for a “little while.”  The disciples became anxious just thinking about Jesus not being there with them.  Like us, we crave His presence more than anything.  Life’s hardship is bearable only if we perceive His presence going before us.  No wonder the disciples were worried. 
Jesus then proceeded to reassure His followers by telling them what to expect in the near future and of the limitless joy they would experience after their trials because they have believed that He came from the Father, and how the Father would give them anything they ask in Jesus’ name.  Jesus then wrapped it up by saying to His friends, those whom He had chosen, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
He has overcome the world and He is our peace.  That sense of stability and serenity doesn’t derive from our circumstances.  Peace is the person of Jesus Christ; and by giving us His Holy Spirit, He gives us His peace.  He had to leave so we would be able to have Him within us always.  It is one of the many Biblical paradoxes that twist the brain in nuts of mystery which will only be deciphered when we meet Him face to face some day.  In the meantime, we rest assured in His faithfulness and in His truth.  We keep busy while we wait; and we delight in His peace.  For now, even though, just like Dylan, we can’t fully grasp the meaning of God’s time; we rest on His promise that He’ll be back in “a little while.”

Let Your "Little Light" Shine

“OK, Grant.  What’s this business about 4^th graders being mean to each other?”  I asked my older son after he came back from school the day I got an e-mail from the principal addressing this situation.  The conversation went something like this:  “Are you involved in it in any way?”  “No.”  “Have you been mean to anybody?”  “No.”  “Has anybody been mean to you?”  “No.”  “Have you seen it happening?”  “No.  I’m not involved in it,” he said sounding annoyed, and hoping I’d leave him alone.  But I didn’t. 

“If you say you are not involved, I believe you because I trust you.  I just want to make sure I understand the situation.”  I reassured him, and pressed again, “…but have you been there when it has happened to someone else?”  “No…well…once.”  “When?  What happened?”  “Well, I heard when a kid called another kid ‘cheese’…”  “???...OK…  Is that it?”  “Yes…” he said unconvincingly, which prompted me to press him some more, and then lecture him on how as a Christian he has the responsibility to witness to the truth.  Of course he had no clue what I was talking about, to which I responded with more theology that went WAY over his 9 year old head.  I was afraid I was not reaching him at all. 

“Remember the golden rule?”  “Yes.”  “What is it?”  “Do unto others as you’d like it to be done unto you…”  “Give me an example.”  I thought that now he was going to say something profoundly relevant to this case like “well, if I don’t want people to be mean to me I should not be mean to them!”  But instead he said, “…an example…it means…well…that if you hit someone, he’ll hit you back.”  I sighed and reiterated the golden rule in less King-James-like words.  Then, I asked him again for another example, only to hear the same kind of idea one more time.  I don’t know about you, but in my mind, that line of thinking is more “eye for an eye,” type of rule.  And that’s not what Jesus taught.   

I was not getting to him.  I was out of words and clever thoughts.  I had nothing left.  I relinquished to the Holy Spirit and He moved me to grab my son by the shoulders and say, as a final attempt, “listen, I don’t care what the other kids do.  If they don’t have the Light in them and they do the wrong thing, that’s between them and God; but you have the Light; and you have to let it shine!”  I turned and began to walk away, but somehow, with the very corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Grant’s face, and on it, there was the hint of something clicking.  I stopped in my tracks, turned around to face him again and said, “yes, that’s what it means to let your little light shine.”  I looked him straight into his eyes for an instant, and walked away to let his young brain process his thoughts on his own. 

I look back on that incident now and marvel at the power of the Holy Spirit.  He speaks to us in Scripture, in nature, in old familiar children songs.  It really doesn’t matter; He can use it all to get to us, if we let Him.  Once I let Him take over, He moved me to use something my young son would understand and then He moved me to give him the space he needed to let the thoughts sink in.  May we tune into the Holy Spirit so we can see truth clearly revealed.

Scripture to Ponder:  I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness.  John 12:46

I Did It!

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service.  1 Timothy 1:12

“Mama, I did it!  I did it all by myself!  Look!”  This was Dylan’s proud announcement the first time he was able to tie his shoes all by himself a few days ago.  Bright-eyed, ear-to-ear smile on his little face, Dylan’s sense of accomplishment was great that day.  Coincidentally, later that same day, when Grant heard me coming in the house after an evening meeting at church, he got out of his bed to greet me with a similar announcement, “we did it Mama!  We finished it!”  “You did!?  That is so totally cool!  Thank you guys!  So you helped out?”  “Yes, I helped putting it together!”  I could see the sparks in Grant’s eyes even in the middle of the dark hallway as he related the story of him having a big part in the assembling of a new gigantic shelf we had just gotten that afternoon.  Once again, I felt the pride and sense of accomplishment that filled my dear boy’s precious heart. 

“I did it,” three words that evoke the implication of a job well done.  When said in the right context, you can almost see the person taking a few steps back to contemplate his or her accomplishment, his or her masterpiece.  The words ring like an anthem to productive work.  They bring images of an artist’s finishing strokes on a work of art. 

The phrase also echoes another set of words that summarize the totality of the greatest accomplishment ever, - “it is finished,” - the last words out of the mouth of our Savior before he bowed His Holy head and exhaled his breath of life on earth for the last time.  “It is finished,” the words that say that Jesus paid it all, and that all to Him we owe.  “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End,” the words of a Risen Lord in all His Divinity, not the Suffering Servant, but the Almighty of Revelation 21:6.  It is all done by Him; and all that it is left for us to do is to accept it.

On the same token, by His mighty power we are able to accomplish what He commissions us to do here on earth.  Sometimes we feel as if our weaknesses could keep us from performing our task; but that is the deceit of the enemy.  At that moment of near defeat, we must remember that the enemy would try anything to keep us from our Kingdom work.  And that our only defense is a pure heart that lives according to His Word, Psalm 119:9. A pure heart that recognizes that it is nothing without Him, but that in Him there is victory.  A pure heart that knows that, "[His] grace is sufficient for [us], for [His] power is made perfect in weakness," (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

It is through Him and in Him that we can do all things, (Philippians 4:13).  He empowers us with His glorious might so that we may have great endurance, (Colossians 1:11).  It is through His Holy Spirit who dwells in our inner beings that we will be strengthened to do the work that He has appointed for us.

I cling to that divine strength with all I’ve got, since great is my weakness.  I cling to His grace and power with legs, arms and teeth, for otherwise I sink.  Day in and day out I trust Him with my life and my beloved.  Day in and day out I step out of my office, and as I walk to my classes, I send to Him my desperate plea, “Lord, I’ve got nothing.  I fully rely on You for this.  Give me what I need to do my job and honor You.”  Day in and day out I see my sons off to school in the morning and I plea with the Lord, “please be with them, for I cannot protect them.  Please be the guardian of their innocence, purity and integrity, for they are all beyond my power to guard.”  Day in and day out, as I see my husband’s faithfulness in display in everything he does, I plea with the Lord to keep him safe and healthy.  Day in and day out I lift my eyes to the Heavens and pray that The Lord, My Savior will turn His ear to my cry, for He promised that all I need is Him; and that He has done it all for me. 

Grant and Dylan went to bed that night feeling good about themselves.  Their self-esteems got a big boost that day, that’s for sure.  I pray they remember that whatever talents they may have, were given to them by the Most High God for them to use for His purpose, not their own.  I pray that they are aware of the power of the Holy Spirit in them and how that power is given to God’s children for the furthering of His Kingdom.  I pray they realize that His Grace is what sustains them and maintains them.  I pray they discover that it is through Him and in Him that they can do all things.  I pray we all get to hear one day the voice of our Lord saying, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

God-Moments at Unlikely Times

A couple of nights ago, after we had just put our Dylan to bed, I immediately immersed myself in my web-browsing-evening-routine.  The excursion was a brief one; however, since not a full minute later, Dylan came out of his bedroom and started calling me to go to his room to “see something.”  I’m pleading with him to just go to bed or even just tell me what it was. “Use your words,” I told him, hoping I didn’t have to get up and “go see.”  He wouldn’t have any of it.  So, reluctantly, I got up, grunting all the way there,  hands on my hips, I stood in his doorway waiting to “see,” only to hear him say, “see mama, that’s the song…that’s your favorite song that we hear in your radio, in the car, you and me!  Remember? See?”  Of course I could “see” it.  It was indeed one of my favorite songs playing on the radio, which we leave on tuned-in to the Christian radio station in his room every night while he falls as sleep.  At that moment I realized I had just had a God moment.  Needless to say, I felt terribly guilty for thinking my boy was being just a pest.  I thanked him for “showing” me, tucked him back in bed and as I walked away from his room, I could hear him trying to sing along to the tune of “You love me anyway, O how you love me.” 

God had used my little persistent boy to touch me when I least expected it.  I was not going through any particularly spiritual moment at the time.  All I was seeking was to sit, chill and relax in front of my favorite news blogs, check my e-mail and maybe jump into tweeter too.  Nothing grandiose or illuminating, I was just looking forward to some down time.  His timing is not my timing, but His timing surely is perfect.  When He wants our attention, He uses all sorts of things and situations.  He catches our eye and makes us focus on Him at whatever time is convenient for Him; and He does it in a way that we have no choice but to look at Him and listen to what He has to say.  All we have to do is leaf through Scripture and we find example after example of people whose attention centered on God after He came knocking at the most extraordinary moments and places. 

He called on middle aged shepherds.  Remember Moses?  He was tending his father-in-law’s flock when, there!  A burning bush calling out his name!  How about Jonah?  God sure caught his attention alright!  Jonah refused to do the will of God and God put him in a “time-out” so he’d have plenty of uninterrupted time to think about what he needed to do. 

In other passages we see our Lord inviting Himself over to the house of short-little tax collectors for an unexpected dinner party.  “Zacchaeus, you come down!”  Other times He used the least ideal of circumstances to reveal the most astounding truth.  For instance, I don’t think John went to the island of Patmos looking for a beach resort and some quiet time to write a book. 

God revealed Himself to the people in the Bible in astonishing ways and at unbelievable locations, precisely because He knows that the unexpected always catches our attention.  And He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, which means, He still does! 

He can and does use anything and anybody to speak to us.  The amazing thing is that when He calls, there is not much more for us to do than to listen.  Even in the middle of our hectic and crazy lives, He always finds a way to catch our attention, and it is always for a good reason.  Can we recognize Him in the unexpected?  Can we “see” Him calling?  I bet we can!

 The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, "Samuel! Samuel!" Then Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant is listening."  1 Samuel 3: 10

Why Can't You See It?

Hear this, you foolish and senseless people,
   who have eyes but do not see,
   who have ears but do not hear:
Should you not fear me?” declares the LORD.
   “Should you not tremble in my presence?  Jeremiah 5:21-22a

“Dylan, can you sound out this word right here?”  The word I was pointing at on the worksheet read pink, and for homework, I was supposed to help him recognize as many “color words” as possible to practice his pre-reading skills.  Dylan looked at the word and with hesitation he sounded it out, making all the right sounds for each letter: “ppp, i, nnn, k.”  “Great!  Now, what color is it?”  I asked filled with joy and anticipation.  “Brown…” Dylan said.  Excitement could be so short lived…

“OK, sound it out again.”  “Ppp, iii, nnn, k.”  “What color is it?”  “Bbbrown?” He said again.  “Do you see any “b” in that word?”  “No.”  He said after examining the word on the paper.  “Then, could it possibly say brown in there without any “bs”?  “No…”  “Then, why did you say brown?”  “I don’t know?”  “Let’s try this again.”  And the next try turned into 15 other tries of more of the same until I gave up in fury and walked away screaming, “why can’t you see it?” 

Steam was coming out of my ears and nose.  Anger was seeping out of every pore.   I walked away and asked Grant to help him before I rupture a vein in my head.  Why can’t he see it?  It is so clear!  Doesn’t he realize that he is saying it?  How come he can’t put the whole picture together?  A great sense of helplessness came over me as I let myself sink in defeat. 

I hit rock bottom deep into my ocean of failure, then I realized that as Christians, sometimes we do just the same.  The reality of Christ is right there in front of us, in plain sight, and we still cannot see it.  We sort of see parts of it, but we fail to see the whole picture.  We can sense it, but we can’t understand it.  We just can’t grasp the truth in what we speak, or read, or see.  And no matter how hard we try, we won’t be able to really see God’s truth and His reality in us, until He dwells in us.  We need the Light so we can see.  Darkness has overcome this world and has blinded too many.  Only Light defeats darkness.  Only the light of Jesus can make darkness flee, so we can finally and clearly see Him standing right in front of us, as our Guide, our Defender, our Redeemer, The Almighty.

Eventually, Dylan will learn how to read, guided by his loving teacher at his school (not by his short-tempered Mother at home), and we’ll all have a good laugh as we remember how out of her mind Mama used to get while trying to help him figure out words.  Eventually, guided by the power of the Holy Spirit and the light of Jesus, we’ll be able to discern the truth of Christ in our lives; and we’ll all tremble at His presence, and wonder how could we have been so foolish that we couldn’t see what was right in front of us.

Scripture to Ponder:  "...the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." John 1:5

Let's Go Back to the Well

Another Valentine Day is approaching very fast.  This is not one of my favorite holidays.  It is nothing but work for me.  I have 3 dozen treat bags to make for my boys’ party, and my back and wallet ache!  I’ve been listening to a lot of commentaries and programs on the radio about how to rekindle the flame of your love, how to reconnect with your spouse, how to love and respect one another, how to make time for each other, etc, etc, etc., and frankly, I am tired of it.  Hearing all these “tips” and well-intentioned advice only stresses me out. 

Dan and I don’t even celebrate this day.  We stopped making a big deal out of Valentine’s like 20 years ago, when we discovered that, for some reason, no matter what we did, the day always turned out rotten.  And this was when we were still dating!  So one year we said, enough!  No more Valentine’s.  So hearing about the flowers and the chocolate gives me heartburn.

Today, however, among all the chatter about Valentine’s I heard someone on the radio talking about the story of Jesus and the woman at the well.  This story of hope is found in John 4.  The person on the radio said that he believes that sometimes, when we go through a dessert in our faith walk, we need to go back to the well and have Jesus replenish us with His living water.  He is the only One who can quench our thirst during those dry seasons in our lives. 

When I came home, and finally found a minute to myself, I read the passage.  I drank it, rather.  I was very moved by verse 6 where it says that Jesus was tired and He sat down by the well.  I found so much comfort as I imagined the scene.  A long journey in the scorching dessert sun, feet hurting, back aching, our Lord and King, the Creator of the Universe, needed to sit down and rest.  In His full humanity, Jesus experienced what I experience every day after a long and grueling day.  He too knows what it means to be tired.  He too needed to get off His holy feet and rest.  What an amazing image that is.  Our Lord, fully God and fully man, is able to identify with us and us with Him, even in the most mundane of events.

The Samaritan woman approaches our Lord with her empty jar to fill it up at the well.  He asks her for a drink.  She belongs to a group of people who doesn’t associate with Jews.  Jesus couldn’t care less.  He breaks all the rules and speaks to her.  And not only does He talk to her, but He asks her for water.  The purpose of the encounter is to change that Samaritan woman’s life and the lives of all who are to read this passage through the centuries. 

“Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”  John 4:13 

The woman at the well had no idea that she was going to draw living water so she would thirst no more.  When I think of her I imagine she was tired too.  Only, she was tired of her life.  She had no husband.  She had a collection of lovers and a hard life of sin.  She was tired.  She needed water.  She was running on empty.  Her life had not turned out the way she imagined it as a little girl.  Her dreams of lemon drops and cotton candy clouds dissipated as she grew up and reality became harsh.  She was tired.  But God had reserved a precious gift for her that day, - an unexpected gift, - a gift of grace.  The encounter with the Living Water would change her life and renew her.  Not only would her jar get filled up that day.  Her life would too overflow with the perfect water that only Jesus can offer.

I see a bit of that woman in me today.  Exhausted, spent, tired and thirsty.  I’m running on empty.  My jar needs refilled.  It is time for me to go back to the well and let the Living Water pour down on me and in me. 

There’s no way I can love others if I don’t allow My Jesus to love me first.  That’s the only reason we love, precisely because He first loved us.  (1 John 4:19).  By coming back to Him, He will fill me up to the brim with His love so I can pour that love into those around me.  Let’s go back to the well, today. 

As I fill up the last treat bag and curl the last ribbon for my boys Valentine’s party tomorrow I think of them, so young and full of wonder about the holiday, (they want to keep eating the candy!).  I decide I’m not going to ruin it for them with my cynicism about the celebration.  I put on a smile and talk about how much fun the party will be.  I let some of the freshly refilled Living Water in my soul spill over into my sons’ hearts as I wish they have a happy Valentine’s Day!  

Scripture to Ponder:  The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” John 4:15