My Moment with God
Before
the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) process began, I experienced a moment with God. I was driving back home from some errands,
and something moved me to begin a chat with my Lord. I said something like, “Lord, it is in your
hands, whatever the result is, I will be OK because your will must be done…I
want to have a child more than I want anything else in the entire world…but I’m
going to trust your will…as far as adopting a child…I promise I will do
whatever it is in my hands to adopt a child even if I do get pregnant and have
a biological child…I promise I will do all I can to pursue adoption no matter
what.” And that was it. That
was the moment when my faith walk finally turned the corner toward the narrow
gate that leads to the straight path. (Matthew 7:13)
As
it happened, Dan had had his own moment with the Lord also. Perhaps someday he’ll elaborate on it. But the truth is that the day of the
procedure, we drove our old, beat up white Nissan Altima to the infertility
clinic, found a spot in the parking lot, and before we climbed out, we held
hands and prayed. I don’t remember what
we said to God and to ourselves. All I
remember is that we prayed in earnest.
And we walked into that clinic under the anointing of the Holy Spirit.
I
remember the embryologist coming to us after the procedure was complete,
saying: “well…the one embryo didn’t look
too good, and the other one…I don’t know…but they are back in you, let’s see
now what happens.” It was out of everyone’s
hands completely…it was in God’s hands alone…we’ve finally realized it. Jesus was at the wheel. It was not going to be by the miracle of
science or by the knowledge of the physicians or by the power of money that we
would get the desired outcome. It was
going to be only by the power of the Most High in accordance to His perfect
will. God uses science, and leads the
hands of doctors and provides the means when the attempt follows His
purpose. Our job is just to trust, obey
and wait.
And
waited we did. Once again, we waited for
a phone call and a somber voice to announce yet another failure. This time, however, the phone rang and on the
other end we heard the very excited voice of a nurse telling us that we were
pregnant.
The
exhilaration of the moment was matched only by the knowledge that My God is
good and He is good all the time. In His
goodness, He taught me and continues to teach me that anxiety, worry and fear
come from the devil who is trying to take hold of me through the areas that I
haven’t fully surrendered to Christ. But
My Lord has also taught me that I have weapons to fight the attacks of the
enemy. He has given me and all who
believe in Him the powerful weapon of His Word.
Diving into Scripture and memorizing short verses has become my greatest
source of strength and my very best weapon against the enemy because those
verses come to me like sharp double-edged swords, right when I need them.
It
is amazing, but it is true. I remember
going for tests during my pregnancy and feeling the cold chills of fear down my
spine. At moments, I would be overcome
by questions like, “Is the baby OK? Is
this pregnancy really going well? Are we
really going to be able to have this baby?
Am I going to be a decent mother?”
But then, at those moments of fear, I also felt the words of God
whispering in my ears… “be still and know that I am God…”(Psalm 46:10) “The Lord is my refuge and my strength…”
(Psalm 46:1) “cast your cares on the
Lord and He will sustain you,” (psalm 55:22) or “I can do all things in Christ
who strengthens me…” for like Paul said, “This is the secret of being content
in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, in plenty or in want,
in health and in illness.” (Philippians 4:12-13)
He
provides His Word to be used as a sword to fight the attacks of the devil, but
it is up to us to use it. I heard
someone said that the Bible is not really a sword, but the armory. This armory is full of swords, but we have to
open it. It won’t do us any good if it
is closed. The Lord has also provided other
sources of strength and empowerment in Him.
He has given me the gift of discovering Christian music. Ever since I became a Christian-music-only
person, there is not a day that goes by without God not showering me with His
blessings through the lyrics of the songs that He has inspired.
This
was how, Praise the Lord, 9 months later, after my very own moment with my Lord that we had Grant. This was how, after this very encounter with
the Living God, that His Holy Spirit guided us to yet another amazing journey,
the journey to adoption. It would not be
for another 4 years until we would bring our son Dylan home from Guatemala
Bible Verse to Ponder in Anticipation to the Next
Entry of A Journey to Surrender:
Those who sow in tears will
reap with songs of joy.
Psalm
126: 5
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